


Shattered Memories.

by jellyfic



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Abduction, Gen, M/M, Mention of Death, Modern Royalty AU, Royalty AU, description of violence, hxhbb, hxhbb2020, memory loss au, pls beware
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25012249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfic/pseuds/jellyfic
Summary: Gon wakes up one raw morning with thirteen years of his life completely gone, years of his childhood forgotten. He learns he is intended to wed Prince Killua, who has the sole desire to cancel their marriage expected in two months. But such a rebellious act would trigger a war between the two kingdoms.Gon has two months.Two months to retake his prince’s education, show he is still worthy of his royal blood and keep the peace between the two realms.Two months to re-live thirteen years of his life and at the same time, conquer his future husband’s heart who seems to despise him.It begins now; the countdown has started.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 10
Kudos: 95
Collections: Hxhbb





	Shattered Memories.

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my work for hxh big bang 2020! 
> 
> Make sure to check the tags before reading, there are trigger warnings! 
> 
> Enjoy! x
> 
> [Furixu](https://furixu.tumblr.com/) did [three](https://furixu.tumblr.com/post/622461741394182144/my-pieces-for-shattered-memories-by-no0emie-for) wonderful pieces of art about my fic for the event! They are absolutely STUNNING so please check them out! Also the artist is so talented, check the account!! <3

Gon shifts, turning around to look at the door slowly opening to reveal the silhouette of a petite yet fierce woman. He doesn’t even give her the chance to step inside before he runs, leaping at her with a strangled sigh. 

He clings to her, buries his head into her neck, seeking contact. A relieved and shaky breath brushes the top of his head as he feels both bodies relax through the embrace. 

She is here. She is finally at his side. Her voice, caring, soothing, just like he remembers, echoes in his ears. 

"Shh. I’m here, my little prince. I’m here."

Gon can’t help himself as a sob escapes his mouth, whispering a well-known name for the first time since he has woken up this morning. "Mito-san."

The beloved queen tightens their hug, showing more than telling that he is not alone anymore. 

Gon isn’t the type to cry easily. At least, he thinks so. But the tears rolling down his cheeks can’t be stopped even if he wanted to. There is too much to pour out, too many thoughts -or rather not enough- in his head. He can’t control the trembles of his chin or the water flowing down from his eyes. 

A prince shouldn’t cry; he knows that. He should be strong, imperturbable. But the fingers of the woman he considers his mother passing through his hair suggest to him that it’s okay. This time, he can cry. 

So he does, hugging the only person he can fully remember, holding onto his aunt as if his life depends on it. He lets out the insecurities and the fear he has been keeping inside since this morning. 

"I can’t remember anything," Gon wails into the woman’s robe. "I know there was something, there were memories but-" His voice dies into more sobs as Mito shushes him. 

"It’s okay now, baby." 

He cherishes these words. He repeats to himself that at least he remembers her, at least she is here with him. He finally calms down, still clinging to his aunt’s embrace like an anchor holds onto the depth of the ocean, striving not to let the waves take the boat away. 

Then, because Gon is still Gon, with or without the memories of the last thirteen years, he stops thinking about himself to focus on others. He stops caring about his health and problems and starts worrying for the ones he loves. 

"I am deeply sorry for bothering you with this Mito-san." He lets go of her and sweeps his tears away. "I know you shouldn't abandon the kingdom, so thank you for making the trip for me." 

The queen shakes her head, a fond smile painted on her lips. "You are never a bother, my prince. Never." She gives him a peck on his forehead before leading him to sit on his bed. 

The tenderness of Mito is his most treasured memory. He remembers her goodnight kisses, her gentle hugs and soft voice. His little self delighted, grateful to have such a woman in his life. He still is. 

"We can go back on Whale Island together. You need stability and calm; maybe coming back to your roots will make you feel better. Are you okay with that?" 

It’s an endearing idea. The few memories he has left were all created on his island. He has some people he would love to see again, such as his father, or even Kite and Bisky. He would love to pull them all into a warm hug, the feeling of familiarity inebriating him. 

However, there is something wrong with this picture. Voice questioning and brows furrowed, he asks,"But, I’m intended to Prince Killua, right?" He notices the slight change in his aunt’s expression, so he clarifies. "One of the maids informed me this morning." He hesitates but continues anyway. "They informed me about a lot of things already. Won’t he be mad if I go back with you?"

When he woke up this morning, he found himself on the ground of this exact room, completely lost and panicking. Several maids helped him understand where he was and why he was there. He hadn’t fully understood back then and immediately asked for Mito.

He has stayed in the room —which apparently was his— all day, refusing to meet anybody but Mito and the two maids who helped him. He learned about bits of his life that he had no memories of. He rejected them first, but when he looked into the mirror, he couldn’t deny it any more. 

The last time he saw his reflection, he was definitely shorter and his face was younger, like all ten-year-olds were. But right now, he definitely isn’t ten anymore. His body has grown, becoming taller, more sculpted. He doesn’t feel at ease; it’s as if he isn’t even in his own body, as if his own body has grown without his mind. 

Mito sighs deeply, eyes showing the slightest ounce of sadness. "I guess he won’t mind. He might even be happy about it." 

He frowns harder, trying to put the pieces together, mind working as fast as he can. There is only one reason as to why his future husband would be happy about him leaving. Gon doesn’t like the idea of it. 

"It’s an arranged marriage?" His question sounds more like an affirmation as he locks his gaze to hers. She smiles sadly, shoulders sagging, but there is a look of admiration and pride in her eyes as he continues. "I can’t go back with you, that would put an end to the marriage. Which is equal to breaking a peace treaty, right?"

"Your health is the most important thing in this world for me. We can find another way to-"

"But there isn’t." Gon interrupts firmly. There is no fear, no hesitation when he adds. "It’s okay Mito-san; I’ll stay here." 

She whispers as she takes his hands into hers, squeezing them gently. "I knew you would do it, but at least I tried, right?" She chuckles, inhaling sharply to prevent her from crying. "I have always been against it you know? Love is a precious feeling we need to treasure. When your father died and I took the throne, I tried to find another solution for this peace." She smiles, tilting her head to the side. "But you refused. Claiming it was your duty." 

She pauses, letting her words make their way into his mind. Brushing his cheek with her delicate hand, she adds,"That’s who you are. A beautiful prince, kind at heart." 

Gon smiles at his turn, chest aching. He searches in himself the need to cry, but there is nothing anymore as he questions. "So he died?" 

A sparkle of guilt passes into Mito’s eyes as she nods. He isn’t as hurt as he thought he would be, learning about his father’s death. From what he recalls, Ging was an absent father, always busy with the kingdom’s affair. They hadn’t spent a lot of time together; still, he feels an emptiness in his heart, knowing he won’t see him again. 

He can’t say he hadn’t expected it. When the maids called his aunt the Queen of Whale Island, he knew something happened to his father. He just hadn’t known what. 

He wonders what else has changed during all these years. Probably a lot. 

"I won’t go against your choice," Mito says, voice firm, taking her Queen’s duty. "But you will have to convince the Zoldycks. They think you are not worthy of honoring the pact anymore." 

"They- what?" Gon shouts, eyes widening. 

His mouth turns into a firm line as he gets up, fist tightly shut. He frowns, flounces across the room and grumbles. 

"I’ll show them who-" 

He freezes suddenly once in the corridor, turning to his aunt, still sitting on his bed, surprised. He smiles widely, tucking his tongue out and scratching the back of his head. Then, he giggles. 

"I don’t know the way." 

—

Gon doesn’t know what he had expected before entering the hall, but he definitely hadn’t expected that. As the door opens in front him, he feels a handful of chills running down his spine. 

Entering the room feels heavy. The place is huge and has so little furniture that it feels empty. There is a long table, with three people standing straight at one end. He steps further, approaching the Zoldycks and bowing deeply. 

There is an uneasy silence, and Gon knows he has decided to talk to them at the wrong time. He can almost hear bits of shouts and arguing echoing on the walls. And judging by the severe expressions they are displaying, they only stopped when the guards announced to them he was coming. 

Thinking back to what his aunt had told him, he had guessed they weren’t very friendly. But this is a whole other level. He gulps, standing as straight as them, putting forth all his effort to appear presentable. 

The person Gon guesses is the King speaks, voice dry. "Good afternoon Prince Gon, Queen Freecss."

He hears his aunt make a reverence behind him but he doesn’t turn away, nodding and looking at the King. 

He has an unsettling and threatening aura, gaze sharp as if examining his movements, which he probably is. "How are you feeling, young Prince?"

"Much better, thank you. But I still don’t remember anything from the past thirteen years, if that is what you’re asking about, your Majesty," He answered, voice steady. "So I think we have some issues to discuss.”

There is a small smile that he can’t read on the King’s face, and Gon doesn’t like the sight of it. He waits anyway for him to talk. 

“Indeed. I’d like to know your solution to this problem.” 

If he’s honest, Gon has no solutions. He has a vague idea that he knows won’t please them. But since he has nothing else, he states faking confidence. 

“I’d like to keep the upcoming event.” 

There is a long silence in which he just stares at the oldest man, feeling a bit self-conscious. He knows he doesn’t have a second chance; he has to show them he is worthy of their choice, that he wants to keep the treaty ongoing. 

Then, a scoff echoes in the room, drawing all the attention onto the young man standing next to the Queen and King. If Gon hadn’t given much attention to him before, he is now. 

_Gorgeous_ is the first thing that comes to his mind. He has fluffy silver hair and pale, almost perfect skin. His nose is wrinkled and eyes narrowed, scanning him. Gon is suddenly very thankful for his warm skin tone, knowing the heat creeping his cheeks isn’t too visible. 

He doesn’t know who this man is, but he finds himself hoping it’s Prince Killua. 

They all wait for him to make a remark but he stays silent, crossing his arms. So the King talks instead. 

“You must understand that we can’t let our son marry someone who has lost precious memories including the years spent learning about the duties of a royal family.” 

Gon knows that. He knows he is asking for so much right now, he would have doubted too if he was in their place. But he can’t let his aunt down; he can’t let his Island down. 

“I do understand. And I strongly agree. But learning to be a good Prince—learning to be a good _King_ —isn’t something we learn only once we are mature enough. It’s something we make blossom from birth.” All the insecurities he felt minutes ago vanish as he talks, feeling more and more confident about himself as he knows he is saying the right thing. 

He may have lost thirteen years of his life, he may be feeling lost at the moment, but he does remember everything before his tenth year. He remembers all the efforts of Kite, showing him how to read and write so he could write love letters for Mito. He remembers Mito teaching him the good manners, showing him how to love not only his family but also the entire kingdom that would one day be his. How to treasure each person on his Island, even if he didn’t know them.

He remembers all that, so even if he doesn’t know anything about strategy, even though the Zoldyck’s Kingdom feels foreign for him, he is still the Prince of Whale Island. 

“I still have time before the marriage, so I’d like to propose something to you.” He stops, waiting for an answer. For the first time, the Queen is the one who answers him. 

“Please, go on.” Her voice is high-pitched but as dry as her husband’s. 

“I would like to make an effort to learn again what I've forgotten during those years. If you deem before the marriage that I still don’t know enough, I’ll let you take the course you need to take. But until then, we should keep all events as they are now.” 

Even though there is a silence even heavier than before, he knows he has said the right thing thanks to the grin on the King’s face. But it seems like his answer doesn’t please everyone. 

The young man groans, tilting his head to the back. “You can’t be serious right?” he spits sharply. 

Gon frowns, turning his gaze into him. “Yes, I am.” 

He raises his hands dramatically. “Oh great news! But let me tell you something. You can’t catch up thirteen years of your life in two months. So quit the whole chivalry thing and accept it already.” 

Well, if he really is Prince Killua, Gon may be deep into a problem. 

“Are you underestimating Freecss blood?” 

It seems to be the right thing to counter as the man closes and opens his mouth without adding anything. Gon arches a brow, refraining from smiling, which the man notices. 

He gets away from the Royal couple, approaching him dangerously, allowing Gon to see his eyes. They are breathtaking—full of anger, stress and even hate, sure. But above all, breathtaking. They are crystal blue, electrifying. 

But before he can add anything, the King speaks, tone allowing no place for discussion. “Killua.” 

The Prince stops a few steps away from Gon, chin up, eyes narrowed. They start a glaring battle, daring each to stand up to the other. Gon knows he has to show pride, fierceness, but actually he’s kind of excited. 

Seeing Killua in all his glory, as alert as a cat with his claws out, ready to jump and beat him, is an interesting view. He wants to play too. He likes good challenges. So he only looks at him, expression neutral. 

With a huff, Killua takes a few steps back, leaning against the table between his parents and Gon and crossing his arms. 

"You will have to stay here for two months, and accommodate with our own preceptors." 

Gon nods, agreeing with confidence. "Of course." He prevents himself from smiling, happy with the outcome. Instead, he maintains eye contact, waiting for the King to add something more. Instead, Killua is the one to interrupt once again. 

"Father, you can’t be serious." He’s now standing straight, hands clenched into tight fists. But his father only gives him an unimpressed look. "Are you seriously considering letting an ignorant be associated with our family?" 

Ego triggered, Gon pouts, brows knitted together and mouth swollen. "I am not an ignorant,” he counters, voice a bit less firm than he intended. 

The white haired boy turns quickly to him, eyes daring, killing. “Aren’t you? What’s the name of our Kingdom?” 

Gon blinks. What did the maids say this morning? Koroko mountain? Totoro mountain? He represses a wince, and raises his head higher as if he isn’t panicking on the inside. He has absolutely no idea. 

Apparently, Killua has expected him to know this answer since he seems utterly shocked. His mouth opens, eyes wide of disbelief. “You don’t even know our— _Father_!” he yells, turning back to his parent, raising his hands. “Is this the son-in-law you are searching for?” 

This time, Gon decides to keep quiet, feeling his cheeks heating from embarrassment. His throat feels dry from the fact that he may have just ruined everything. But when a loud laugh echoes into the room, his eyes widen as he looks at the King with surprise. 

The latter is laughing openly, looking at Gon with amusement. He waves dismissively at Killua, before speaking, a smile on his face. Gon doesn’t know if he can trust it, but he likes the words that follow. “He will learn! He has two months for that.” 

Killua let his hands fall, pursing his lips. Glaring one last time at his parents, he turns away. As he passes in front of Gon, he shoots him the most venomous glare Gon has ever seen. And as he brasses the air around him while storming out of the room in silence, Gon smells the delicious perfume of raspberry. 

He’s surprised, but doesn’t look back as Killua leaves the room. He turns his attention back on the royal couple in front of him, waiting for an indication that he can retreat. 

"Queen Mito, I’d like to know your thoughts about the decisions that have been made,” the king asks, voice more steady, firm. 

"I have absolute faith in my son." 

Gon puffs his chest, feeling pride and gratefulness overtaking him. He waits. 

"Well, this is settled." 

Bowing deeply, Gon thanks them for their attention and turns around. Accompanied by his aunt, he leaves. But before the door closes behind him, a voice echoes. 

"This is your only chance, Prince Gon. Do not disappoint." 

—

The kiss on his forehead feels bittersweet as Gon tightens his hold. He can’t help but notice how tall he has grown as he can now reach Mito’s chest while hugging her. He forces his tears back when the memory of his younger self hugging his aunt’s legs rushes into his mind. 

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” 

Mito laughs, passing her hand into his hair. “I should be the one asking you that.” She cups his cheeks, smiling fondly. “I will come to see you as soon as I can. Be brave, my prince; don’t let anyone stop you from doing what you want if it’s just.” She gives him another kiss on his hair before letting him go. “And send me letters.” 

Gon nods, forcing a smile even with fear overtaking him. He has just found her again, he doesn’t know if he can take her leaving so soon already, but he has to. So he waves, watching her board the boat. “Take care of yourself, Mito-san!” 

She waves back, her smile constant on her lips. And as the boat moves away, his own smile disappears. He sighs, turning to head back to the Zoldyck’s castle, two guards following him. 

When he enters his room, he can’t do anything else but fall on the bed with a heavy sigh. Looking at the ceiling, he tries to sort out his mind. Pretty difficult when there are years of it gone. 

He doesn’t even know how all of this happened. He just woke up this morning, shaken by one of the maids, on the ground. It has been such a confusing experience, and even if a whole day has passed, even if some points have been explained, he can’t help but feel lost. 

He guesses it’s normal; how could he not? The last time he remembers he was a ten years old kid playing with Bisky’s bow. He smiles at the memory of the woman. Even if she would lecture him about taking her weapons to play with, he knows she was actually proud of him for taking interest in combat at such a young age. She was supposed to be the one teaching him how to fight since she was the best guard of all Whale Island. 

He frowns. She probably _did_ teach him already. But he has no way to find out. He hopes she did. And if she did, he hopes he still at least has the reflex of it if not the memories. 

He groans, turning to plunge his head into a pillow. What is he going to do? He knows asking for two months wasn’t the best option, but did he have another choice? He keeps thinking about it, but the only answer remaining is _no_ ; it is his only option. As hard and impossible as retaking his prince’s formation seems, he has to get through it. More, he has to succeed. For Whale Island, for his people, for his family. 

Gon shifts, gaze falling on the lamp next to the bed. Not only does he have to succeed in his task, but he also needs to learn more about Prince Killua. They are supposed to marry in two months, and their first interactions have been rather heated. Frowning, he remembers that it hasn’t _really_ been their first interaction. 

So why has Killua been so spiteful? He clearly despised him, but why? Aren’t they supposed to love each other? Or at least tolerate each other? He can understand that arranged marriage is a delicate subject, that love can’t always find its way into the relationship, and Gon has no problem with that. But shouldn’t they at least be friends by now? 

He doesn’t know what he has done, but there’s clearly something wrong. And whatever it is, even though his intention is not to hurt Killua, he can’t let the boy ruin his plans. He thinks about Whale Island before his own love life, and Killua should do the same. 

Maybe the boy is in love with someone else? Gon doesn’t have a problem with that; he can understand. If Killua would talk to him about it, he would be willing to stay friends with the boy and let him live his love life with the person he wants. He winces. Maybe being with someone while being married to someone _else_ isn’t the best situation though. 

He sighs, so many questions tumbling through his head, taking the places of the void of the last years. Had _he_ fallen in love during these years? Had he, too, wanted his life to be any other way? He for sure wants it to be any other way right now, anything that would prevent him from feeling helpless, lost. 

But he is here anyway, and he has no other choice than to go through it, hoping he can find the pieces of life he has lost. He has to stay strong; he can’t break down as he did this morning, not when his aunt isn’t here to support him. 

Even though he knows all that, even though he accepts it, Gon is unable to find sleep that night. 

So when a knock on his door echoes in the room the next morning, he’s already up, head upside down in the void, rest of his body on the bed. 

“Come in.” 

The same maid he met the day before entered the room, bowing deeply. “Good morning Prince Gon.”

He winces, sitting up. “Please, just call me Gon. I’m not really fond of all these manners,” he pleads. 

He’s surprised when the girl sighs, displaying a wide smile. “I was afraid that the circumstance would change everything.” Then, she approaches him and sits at the end of his bed. “Glad to find my friend back; yesterday morning was a nightmare.” 

Gon raises a brow, clearly confused. “We are friends?” 

She looks at him, grimacing. “Well, guess not _everything_ is the same.” The boy gives her an apologetic gaze but she shrugs it off. “Yeah, I’m Palm, one of the servants here, and the one that has been helping you since the very first day you arrived here.” 

Gon doesn’t know what to do or say. He feels extremely bad, guilty that he doesn’t remember her at all. “When exactly was that first day?” 

She frowns, searching through her memories, a feeling the prince can understand well. “Five years back I think?” 

He gulps, taking in the information, feeling even more guilty. She notices and smiles gently. “It’s okay if you don’t remember. Don’t feel bad; it’s not your fault.” 

“And what do you help me with?” 

“Your look of course.” She stands up, pushing him out of bed in the making. “Go wash yourself; I’ll put your clothes on the bed for when you finish.” 

Gon does as she asks, letting her lead him into the washroom. As he locks the door behind him and starts pouring the water into the bathtub, he hears Palm keeping talking in the other room. 

“So, you really have no memories of the lastest years? That’s bad. I have to restart everything.” She sighs rather dramatically as Gon washes his body. 

He’s distracted for a few seconds by the muscles that he doesn’t remember having, curious about the things he did to have them. Was it intentional, or had the multiple exercises he did just build him into the man he is today? 

“What do you mean by restart everything?” he nearly yells, not knowing if she could hear him. 

But she answers loud and clear. “You had really poor taste in clothes when you first came here. I have to make sure that it won’t happen again.” 

He squints, not knowing what she means by that. As far as he remembers, he has always worn royal clothes, his favorite one being the green shorts and jackets his aunt made with the help of a seamstress once. There is nothing wrong with his outfits. He starts wondering about the type of clothes Palm will give him. 

“Everything is on the bed. I‘ll wait outside for you.” She states before Gon hears a door being opened and closed. He sighs. 

After leaving the washroom, he approaches his bed to see his outfit. He’s relieved to see it’s nothing fancy and even pretty comfortable. He jumps in it, and takes a huge breath to give him courage to manage through the day. He’s tired but keeps his head up, knowing he isn’t on his Island anymore. 

Right. He still doesn’t know where he is. 

As he opens the door, he sees Palm waiting for him leaning against a wall. She smiles at him, visibly proud of her work. After a little “perfect,” she turns around and starts walking, inviting him to follow her. 

“Palm?” Gon asks, hesitating. “Where are we?” 

She frowns at him. “At the Zoldyck’s castle of course?” 

“Yes, that I know. But the kingdom?” 

Her brows shoot up when she understands. “Oh! Kukuroo Mountain.” 

Well, he had been close enough. 

“You sure have a lot to learn if you don’t even know the name of the Kingdom you could reign over one day.” Her tone is neutral, but Gon guesses she’s just teasing. 

But she’s not wrong. He groans, tilting his head back. “Where are we going anyway?” 

“First lesson of the day.” 

She doesn’t give him any more details, so he insists. “Which consists of?” 

“I just know it’s a theory lesson and that you may like it.” She sighs, eyeing him with a small smile. 

He wants to ask further questions, but as they enter a huge library, his words become stuck in his throat. He immediately spots the tall man with long and straight silver hair, his usual hat on the head, sitting on one table. 

He can’t help himself. “Kite!” He yells, surprised, as he runs toward his tutor, arms outstretched. The man raises his head at his name and stands up just in time to catch Gon in his momentum. He still has to take a few steps back to find his equilibrium though. 

“Kite!” Gon repeats, burying his head into the man’s chest, his first real smile of the day making its way on his lips. 

“Gon, please, can you get down?” he commands more than asks, putting the boy back on the ground. There’s a small smile on his lips despite his words, which only widens Gon’s. “You’re not a child anymore, Gon, you can’t just leap at me and expect me to catch you.” 

The prince only sticks his tongue out in response, scratching the back of his head. “What are you doing here? Not that I don’t want you here, just curious,” he adds at the quirked eyebrows of his mentor. 

“Who else do you expect to be able to deal with the pain of teaching you?” His tone is teasing, and Gon likes it. He has missed it, it feels as if he hasn’t seen the man for years. “Thank you Palm; I’m taking care of him now.” Kite says, turning to the girl still standing at the door. She nods, smiling politely as Gon waves at her. 

He feels ashamed as he had forgotten about the girl, leaving her alone the moment he saw Kite. But he shakes this thought off as he focuses back on the man at his side. 

“I’ve heard we have a lot of work to do?” Kite sits back, inviting him to do the same next to him.

Gon laughs slightly, taking a seat. He’s happy his mentor is here to tutor him. He has always been there since he was little to teach him about any subject worth knowing about. He knows everything he learned through the years was thanks to Kite. 

“I am not pleased to start the process over again, but I guess I have no choice. But before starting, I’d like to know.” He pauses, looking at Gon with analyzing eyes. “How are you feeling?” 

He should have expected that question. His smile flatters as he looks down, frowning. “I don’t know.” Honesty is evident in his tone as he shrugs. “As fine as I can be in this situation, I guess.” 

“Do you have any questions or subjects you want to talk about?” 

“Actually, I do.” He turns on his seat, looking at Kite. “My father.” He notices the flash of sadness into the man’s eyes and he feels his heart squeeze. “I didn’t talk about it with Mito-san yesterday because I thought it wasn’t a good time. But I don’t remember his death.” 

The silver-haired man sighs, leaning his back against his seat and closing his eyes as painful memories pass into his mind. As painful as they seem to be, Gon wishes he could have them, too. 

“There isn’t enough to say that could fill a letter. But yes, he died. It’s been two years now. He refused to stay in the safety of the castle and went on the field. Mito had to clear up the mess; she became regent and won the battle.” As he opens his eyes Gon can see how shiny they are but there’s no tears, just melancholia. 

Gon’s voice is just a murmur when he asks. “Is it bad that I don’t feel devastated about the news?” 

Kite eyes him, and after a few seconds, he smiles sadly. “You asked me the same question two years ago.” Gon fidgets on the chair, but says nothing, waiting for a real answer. “My response is the same. He wasn’t what we could call a good father. He wasn’t bad per se, but he never acted like a member of a family. He had some good moments with you, but I guess that wasn’t enough. Which is understandable.” 

The prince nods, looking down again. He guesses it's true. From what he remembers, Ging had never been the one taking him to sleep, teaching him, or simply being there for him. He was his father, so he still felt a pang in his chest at the idea of never being able to see him again—more now that he doesn’t even remember him after his tenth year. But nothing unbearable. 

Kite breathes out, straightening in his chair. His tone is lighter as he changes the subject. “I’d like to give you a test first. I still have hope that brain of yours didn’t forget everything I’ve spent years teaching you.” 

The reaction is immediate; Gon groans, letting himself fall against the back of his seat.

This sparks a smile on the man’s lips. “And you have only two hours; you have other lessons to learn after.” 

As a thought occurs to him, Gon straightens and beams at his tutor, hope evident in his eyes. “Wait, does that mean Bisky is here too?” 

The wince is enough for the boy to understand but Kite adds anyway. “No. She can’t leave the island for two months like me. You should know by now, she is-” 

“The greatest soldier of Whale Island, I know.” Gon sighs, shoulder sagging. He would have loved to have her as his combats’ teacher, but he guesses he can’t always have what he wants. He’s already grateful to have Kite at his side. So he shrugs the feeling off, and turns to the several books Kite is displaying in front of him. 

“I’d like you to tell me the name of the Kingdom before we start,” Kite demands, mockery evident in his tone. 

Gon rolls his eyes, but can’t help chuckling as he says confidently. “Kuroku Mountain.”

The man sighs desperately. “This is going to take a while.”

—

It’s with a headache that Gon heads to one of the courtyards after his lesson with Kite. He has worked so much that he barely remembers the way his tutor has told him to go for the next lesson. But he makes it through and finds with surprise that Killua is waiting for him next to a relatively small girl. 

They are close to each other, sharing smiles and words Gon can’t hear yet. He’s struck to see Prince Killua smiling and talking happily. It’s definitely different from what he witnessed the day before. When they spot him though, Killua’s smile disappears, and Gon can see his chest falling with a deep sigh. He refrains from frowning even though he’s a bit hurt. Instead, he waves at them, displaying his best smile. The girl is the only one to smile back at him. 

“Gon.” Killua acknowledges once he’s at their side. His voice is firm, a bit annoyed. “How was your first lesson?” 

He can’t help his eyebrows from shooting up at the question, as he hasn’t expected the boy to be courteous. But he answers anyway. “Pretty good, thank you.” 

The prince nods in response, turning to the girl next to him. “I presume you don’t remember her?” Gon winces, giving her an apologetic smile. “She’s Alluka, my little sister.” 

Gon beams at her. “Nice to meet you Alluka; I’m Gon!” 

She blinks at him several times as her brother hides his face in his hands. Then, Alluka laughs loudly. “I know, Gon; it’s not really our first meeting.” 

Gon rubs the back of his neck, putting his tongue out. “Ah yes, sorry!” 

“Don’t be; it’s okay.” Her smile is warm, reassuring. Gon can’t help but compare to Killua, who seems to know the scowl as his only expression. Or at least, when he was around. 

“She is your combat instructor.” Killua announces, and Gon can hear the pride in his voice. “Don’t underestimate her; she’s excellent.” 

“I wasn’t.” 

Killua rolls his eyes, visibly annoyed by his interruption. But he adds nothing else before turning to his sister. 

“I’ll let you handle the rest; I’ll probably stay around to watch.” His voice is noticeably softer when he talks to her. 

Now, Gon is certain; there is something wrong between the two of them. He decides to set this thought aside for the moment as Killua walks away.

“Excuse him,” Alluka starts once there is enough distance between them and Killua that he cannot hear. She cast a small smile to the back of her brother. “He’s a bit on edge these days.” 

Gon smiles, shaking his head. “If he has something to be sorry for, he will have to say it himself. But I appreciate the thought, Alluka; thank you.” 

She nods, turning around with a wave of her hand, showing him the place. He hadn’t noticed the multiple targets behind her earlier. But now that he’s paying attention, he even notices the bows displayed next to the princess. 

“I think that even with your memory loss, you must have retained your reflexes. At least, I hope so. I’m guessing I won’t have much to teach you if my theory is true.” She grabs a bow, extending it to him. “And we are going to test that theory today. Archery was your best asset in combat; let’s see if you still have it in you.” 

The grin spreading on his face is full of confidence as he takes the bow from her hold, reaching for an arrow in the movement. 

As he places himself face to the target positioned meters away, he notes the feeling of habit overwhelming him. He knows where to settle his feet; he knows how to hold the arrow, how much he has to pull on the wire, how to breathe in and how to exhale. 

His grin only grows, and the moment he lets go of the wire, he knows the arrow is going straight to the center of the target. And it does, provoking a round of applause from Alluka next to him. 

It feels blissful. Seeing the arrow in the right spot. His heart is swelling with pride, from relief as he feels his throat itching and tears gathering in his eyes. It’s stupid; it’s just an arrow embedded in a target, something he has done since the age of five. It was the first weapon he learned to use with Bisky. So it’s supposed to feel normal, mundane. 

But it’s not. Because it’s the first thing he’s succeeded in over the past two days. For him though, it feels like it’s the first thing he’s managed to do right in years. It’s a light finding its way into dark clouds: hope. Even with thirteen years of life gone, he can still go on. 

When Alluka comes to him and raises her hand for him to tap it as a reward, he can’t stop himself from pulling her into a tight hug. Dropping the bow, he holds her and spins around, laughing happily. She’s laughing too, and when he finally puts her down, she winks. 

“Theory checked!” 

They decide to practice archery anyway, finding objects smaller and further to shoot at. Gon feels ecstatic, rarely missing his target. He shoots and shoots again and again, feeling better after each attempt. 

After nearly an hour, boredom fills their bodies. As rewarding as it is to always succeed in his shots, it quickly becomes monotonous. After nailing another one, Gon turns around, ready to ask Alluka if they can stop. His eyes fall on Killua instead, sitting on a bench not far from them. 

He had been there for the whole hour, supposedly “staying around to watch” but Gon hasn’t seen him watching once. The multiple times Gon has glanced at him during practice proved that. 

He doesn’t understand why the prince seems so closed off, so cruel. He doesn’t deserve it, he thinks. And if he does, Killua could just tell him what his problem is. Gon’s annoyed. Annoyed that the man he is supposed to marry in two months doesn’t pay him any attention, and even seems to despise him. 

Without further thinking, he positions himself to shoot again. He can hear Alluka yelp at his side, clearly anxious. He hears her steps approaching as she yells his name, but he lets go of the arrow before she can touch him. 

The arrow flies exactly where he has wanted, passing centimeters away from Killua’s head to end his course into the tree behind him. Killua jumps from fear, standing up instantly, eyes finding the source in a matter of seconds. Eyes wide, he looks at him for the first time since the lesson started, and Gon can’t stop the smile from spreading on his lips. He arches a brow. 

“You are not paying attention to the lesson, Prince Killua.” 

The feral look Killua gives him is pretty satisfying. Killua did nothing to deserve that arrow; neither does Gon deserve the cold shoulder the prince has been giving him. They are now even. Gon expects the boy to scream at him but is surprised when he just storms out of the yard, going back into the castle. Gon winces, thinking maybe he has gone a little too far. 

As he turns around, he finds Alluka pouting at him, hands severely posed on her hips. She even reprimands him. “Gon!” 

He grimaces further. “Sorry.” 

—

Sitting in front of Killua, silence overwhelming them, Gon asks himself if he’s done the right thing. He avoided dinner earlier, not wanting to eat with the whole Zoldyck family. Exploring the castle, he decided he would wait for them to finish before asking to be served. 

He hadn’t planned for Killua to dine with him though. And even if a dinner with the Zoldycks feels terrifying, a face-to-face with the prince isn’t much more comforting. 

They are eating silently, not even glancing up. Gazes locked on their meal, heads full of thoughts. Gon clears his throat, uncomfortable with the silence. 

“Why didn’t you eat with your family?” he asks, voice echoing loudly on the walls. The emptiness of it sends shivers down his spine. 

“I had things to take care of,” Killua answers, grumbling and glaring at his plate. 

Gon swallows the mean remark on his tongue, a bittersweet feeling building up in his chest. He frowns, putting down his fork. He looks up, analyzing the man supposed to be his fiancé. 

“Did I do something wrong?” His voice is firm, cutting through the awkwardness. 

Killua finally looks up, brows knitted together too. “What do you mean?” 

“You seem to...“ Gon searches for the right word, wincing. “Despise me.” 

The man goes back to his meal, visibly pouting. He takes a few seconds to answer. “I don’t despise you. I despise the idea of _marrying_ you.”

Well, that isn’t any better. 

Pressing his lips into a straight line, Gon can’t help but admit. “At least, you’re honest.” 

The prince only shrugs. Gon hates it. He hates how angry, how hurt, this makes him feel. This isn’t him. He knows that. He’s cheerful, always has been since he was little and doubts it’s changed during the time he can’t remember. And he’s trying. He’s trying so hard to put all his messy thoughts in a corner, to focus on his goals. He tries to be considerate of others. But Killua is making it very difficult here. 

“You know, I am not asking for us to be deeply and irremediably in love with each other.” Killua chokes on his food, coughing and blushing furiously. But Gon continues. “But at least we could try to be friends. That’s the least we can do knowing we will have to marry each other.” 

Killua finally gets a hold of himself as he glares at him, cheeks still rosy. “Don’t be so sure about that. I still plan on cancelling that union.” 

“Why?” Gon nearly yells out of desperation. “The peace treaty depends on us! Don’t you want what’s best for your kingdom?” 

He rolls his eyes. “I have three other brothers who will be happy to take the throne.” 

“But this isn’t about them! It’s about us; the treaty has existed since we were little kids, and breaking it could provoke war. Don’t you care about it?” 

“That’s the problem!” Killua raises his voice at his turn, turning more and more annoyed. “Why aren’t _you_ mad about it? You have been told what to do from a very young age. Why doesn’t _that_ upset you?” 

“If this is what I have to do to assure my family’s safety, then I’ll be honored to do it.” 

Killua scoffed, crossing his arms on his chest. “Your family is royalty; even with a war they could ask for grace.” 

Gon frowns deeper, not believing his own ears. “Family is not only blood. I have people to protect, a whole Island. And I’ll do whatever I can for them.” 

“At your own disadvantage?” Killua asks, bewildered. 

But Gon doesn’t even hesitate. “Yes.” 

“Well, I’m happy for you. But that’s not for me.” 

“Listen, I understand if you want to be with someone you actually love. I won’t take any offense of it; you can love them as much as you want. I’m just asking to keep the marriage going. We wouldn’t even have to fake any romance or anything,” Gon proposes, voice soft, trying to calm himself, trying to reason with the prince. 

The latter flushes even deeper. “That’s not- I didn’t-” He groans, standing up violently. He throws his napkin on the table, says “Forget it!” and storms out of the room. 

Gon is left surprised and frustrated, knowing things have just gotten worse. 

—

The next morning, Palm is forced to listen to Gon’s groans and complaints about what he is willing to give just to stay in bed for the day. She pushes him out of it though, telling him that he has no other choice. So Gon begrudgingly gets up and prepares himself for the lessons of the day. 

He expects to see another casual outfit on his bed but finds himself dressing in a royal costume. Puzzled, he turns to fish information from Palm. 

“You’ll need it; it’s so you get used to wearing it.” She doesn’t give any further explanation. “I’m not accompanying you today, so you go straight then left then right and you’ll find someone waiting for you.” 

“Don't I start with Kite today?” He can’t help but ask as he realizes it’s not the way to the library. 

“No. Actually there’s no lesson with Kite today, and also no lesson with Alluka. You’ll need all your free time for this new lesson, so go on!” 

Pouting from the lack of information, Gon eventually heads into the hall, following the directions given to him. As he approaches the room he believes is the right one, he hears laughter and happy voices. He can’t help but peek inside the room before entering. 

Seeing Killua smiling and talking to his sister is something; seeing him openly laugh, bent down and hands on his belly is something else. The prince is talking to a girl, or rather laughing with a girl. And Gon has never seen him this happy. 

He feels a pang in his chest, remembering last night’s events. He should probably apologize to Killua; even though Gon doesn’t like the way Killua is acting, he didn’t have to be that hard on him. 

He opens the door loudly, making sure they could hear it before be approaches them. He sends a bright smile to the two people, scratching the back of his head. But the moment he makes his appearance, Killua’s smile disappears. Gon groans internally but keeps his own joyful grin. 

“Good morning!” He beams, sticking his tongue out. 

“Hello, Gon.” The girl answers, sending him a sheepish smile. The only one not responding is Killua, who is averting his gaze. Gon sighs. 

“Listen, Killua, I’m sorry for last night. I shouldn’t have pressured you into anything. I know it’s a huge decision, so I’m sorry.” 

Killua grunts, still not meeting his gaze. The girl at his side elbows him lightly.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” he finally growled, rolling his eyes. But as she gives him another jab, he nearly yells, “Fine! I’m sorry too; shouldn’t have yelled.” 

Gon’s smile becomes wider as he swings on his feet. “You’re forgiven!” 

“Whatever.” There is a slight blush on his cheeks, and Gon knows it’s because of the embarrassment. He probably isn’t used to apologies. 

“Ah, I forgot! I’m Canary!” The girl finally introduces herself, sending him another small smile. 

“I guess we already met?” He winces, but her little smile makes him more confident. 

“Indeed. We haven’t talked much though, so it’s all right!” 

Gon nods. “So what are we going to do today?” 

He nearly chokes when Canary claps her hands together, stating happily, “Dancing!” 

“What?” 

“We are going to dance, of course!” 

Gon immediately blushes. He is terrible at that. Well, he doesn’t _actually_ know that, but he’s sure that dancing isn’t his strong suit. He doesn’t know if he has learned it during these last years—he doesn’t even know if someone has been willing to teach him—but he is still sure he’s terrible at dancing. 

And when he remembers Killua is here with them, and that he is probably going to dance with _him_ , he knows his skin turned crimson. He is willing to become friends with the man, willing to marry him, but dance with him? This seems a bit too… Intimate. Too soon. 

He clears his throat. “Do I have to take dance lessons for two months?” 

“Actually,” Killua starts, forcing Gon to turn to him, surprised. “You only have three days to learn how to dance. At least, our traditional dance.” 

He can’t help his mouth from falling as he gasps. “Three days?” 

“There is a ball in three days. The Counts and Countesses of the country will come to the castle. And the future royal couple,” he says with a grimace, “will have to open the ball.” 

“Future royal couple as in... you and me?” Gon can’t help but ask the question, feeling his stress rise. 

Killua clicks his tongue, rolling his eyes again. “Yes, you and me.” 

“But, I can’t dance,” Gon admits, feeling uncomfortable. 

“Won't you do anything for your family?” Killua teases, arching a brow. 

Gon pouts, crossing his arms and glaring at the man in front of him. That’s a low blow. But Canary laughs, easing the mood instantly. 

“It’s okay; that’s why I’m here. I’m going to teach you.” 

“Canary is a really good dancer,” Killua agrees, plunging his hands into his costume, which seems much more comfortable than Gon’s. “Plus, I don’t have enough patience to bear with someone walking on my feet.” 

Gon rolls his eyes, feigning indifference. Deep down, he’s relieved. “Of course.” 

Killua huffs before walking to the exit. “Good luck, Canary.” 

However, Canary needs much more than simple luck. Because even into the second day, Gon can’t keep up the rhythm. 

He groans. “It’s been two days already; isn’t there another way?” He looks desperately at the girl. “Do we have to have the ball?” 

She chuckles lightly, exhaustion evident in her stance. “Yes. I’m sorry, but you don’t have a choice, Gon.” 

He is resting on the ground, legs and arms spread wide. Canary is sitting on a table not far away from him, taking a break. They both need one, feet heavy and breath unsteady. They have been at it since the day before, barely taking breaks. He is tired and a bit annoyed by his inability to follow a simple rhythm. 

But she is right; he doesn’t have a choice. 

His head is dizzy, tired of hearing and repeating numbers so he can keep up with the choreography. He’s sure they will haunt his dreams tonight, and won’t be surprised if he ends up practicing in his sleep. 

He will probably make a fool of himself tomorrow night, stepping on Killua’s feet, who will probably get mad and steam at him. Great. 

“What is Killua to you?” he suddenly asks, turning his head to her. The question has been bothering him since he saw them laughing together the other day. 

She arches a brow, looking at him intently. After a few seconds, she tilts her head. “We can say we are childhood friends? I’ve been in the castle since I was little, and we practically grew up together.” 

“Oh? You’ve been here all along? Are you family?” 

She shakes her head, looking at him without actually seeing him. “No. I’m a guard.” 

Gon immediately sits up, looking at her with bewildered eyes and an open mouth. “What?” 

“Yes, I’ve been a guard since a very young age.” She laughs, nodding slightly. 

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m shocked,” he admits, eyes still wide. 

“Because I dance?” she asks, and continues when he nods. “You might be surprised, but dancing provides some advantages in a fight. Like flexibility and rhythm.” 

Impressed, Gon stands up, stretching his hand to her. “Well, in that case; let’s dance! I have a ball to attend tomorrow.” 

—

“Are you sure this is necessary?” Gon whines, keeping his head up so Palm can adjust his outfit. “I can’t breathe, Palm.” 

She taps him on his forehead, sparking an offended noise. “I’m a prince, did you forget? I could ban you for that.” 

Palm stops, looking at him with such a deadpanned look that Gon can’t do anything else but sigh. “As if you would.” She scoffs, going back to adjusting his costume. 

He bites his lip, absentmindedly looking at a vase of flowers. His chest feels tight, as if he is being squeezed to death, but he knows this has nothing to do with his royal jacket. Sighing again, he lowers his head to see Palm arranging the end of his pants. 

“Why are you so stressed?” she asks, not bothering to look up. 

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I can make a fool of myself in front of all the nobility of the mountain?” 

She sighs, finally standing up to look him in the eyes. She puts an encouraging hand on his shoulder. “You’re going to be fine. Everybody loves you here.” 

He winces, thinking about Killua. “Not everybody.” 

According to Canary, he is good enough not to make a fool of himself tonight. But he knows he’s still not perfect, his rhythm is still a bit off, and his movements are stiff. He can’t help but think about the worst outcomes an opening dance can have. 

Casting him a sympathetic smile, she turns around. “One last detail.” 

When she turns back, she has a delicate crown in her hand. He can’t help but find it stunning as she positions it on the top of his head. He feels his heart beating proudly as he feels the height of it. 

It’s not the first time he wears a crown. He had worn one when he was little, during many ceremonies. He probably wore it too during these last years. But wearing it now fills his body with pride. 

It’s the symbol of his royalty, the symbol of his importance. The royal jewelry that reminds him he has a huge family, for which he could die. It is the distinction that reminds him how lucky he is to be able to protect an entire island. 

He smiles back at her, feeling more at ease. The crown on his head reminds him his family loves him, and his aunt is counting on him. They give him courage. 

So it’s with his chin up and a smile on that Gon heads to the ball. He enters a small room where he is supposed to find the rest of the Zoldyck family before doing his entrance in the ballroom. 

He finds Killua and Alluka, who he greets with a wave of his hand. There is another boy he doesn’t recognize, but smiles at him too. He doesn’t answer, looking at him with a critical gaze. 

“Alluka, good evening! You look splendid!” He beams. She smiles back, turning around to show him her beautiful dress. 

“Thank you, Gon! You’re really handsome too!” 

“Thank you.” 

He turns to Killua, wanting to compliment him too, but the words die in his throat. The Prince is stunning. In his beautiful costume, he radiates gracefulness and royalty. Blue eyes and silver hair highlighted by his outfit, the crown on the top of his head adds a touch of majesty. He is gorgeous. 

He clears his throat. “You look pretty, Killua.” 

The effect is immediate and nearly kills Gon with a heart attack. He blushes, pink creeping onto his pale cheeks. His eyes widen in surprise as his mouth pouts so slightly. 

“Thank you,” he mutters, averting his gaze. 

“Can’t believe you can’t take a compliment gracefully, Killua.” A voice interrupts them, mockery evident in its tone. 

Gon turns to the other boy in the room, a bit surprised. Even with a crown on his head, the boy is pretty wild talking to Killua like that. 

“At least I got one, Milluki. Did mom ever give you one?” Killua spits back, eyes narrowing. 

If Gon has been surprised, it’s nothing compared to right now. Eyeing Killua, he notices the venom on his tone, directed to the boy. Well, he feels grateful the Prince has never talked to _him_ like that. And here he thought Killua really hated him. 

“You two, don’t start!” Alluka scolded, placing herself between the two men. “This is supposed to be a enjoyable night; don’t ruin it!” 

They both seem to calm as a huge door opens slightly. A man put his head in the opening, announcing they will soon be introduced. 

“Aren’t we supposed to wait for your family?” Gon asks curiously to Killua. 

“They are already in the room.” 

Gon feels his stress level shoot up as the four of them straighten and place themselves in front of the door. Killua sighs when Gon aligns himself with Alluka, grabbing his wrist to pull himself next to him. There’s a slight blush on his cheeks, embarrassed, but light enough not to be seen. 

The door opens. “Princess Alluka and Prince Milluki of Kukuroo Mountain.” A man shouts. 

Gon arches a brow as these latter walk into the other room. He turns to Killua. 

“Is he-”

“One of my brothers, yes.” 

He opens his mouth, many more questions in his mind, but a voice interrupts him. “Prince Killua of Kukuroo Mountain and Prince Gon of Whale Island.”

Gon straightens, feeling his heart beat in his ears. He matches his steps with Killua’s as they both enter the ballroom. He is immediately mesmerized - the room is huge, with fancy, pretty decorations everywhere. There are at least a hundred people gathered around the room, all eyes on them. 

All the eyes on him put him on nerves, but he swallows his stress. He can’t show any sign of weakness; he has to prove he’s still worthy of being called a prince. So he walks alongside Killua, chin up. 

They come to a halt when they find themselves at the center of the room, surrounded by the other guests. He can hear several whispers, but as the orchestra starts playing, he turns to Killua. 

Facing each other, one meter away, Gon can’t help but feel anxiety creeping on him. He wonders if he had always been afraid of failing, or if it’s because of the recent events, but right now, he feels burdened. 

But as he looks at Killua, he notices the crown on his head and thinks about his own. He remembers his family, his kingdom. He remembers the reasons he is in the first place. 

And it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter whether he has always been stressed or not; it doesn’t matter who he used to be. That’s not him anymore. He had other goals back then maybe, but only one remained, he was sure. Peace for his Kingdom. 

So when Killua takes a step forward, he mirrors him, Canary’s voice in his head counting the steps. 

“Don’t look at your feet,” Killua murmurs once they are close enough. They both raise one hand, slowly placing them on the palm of the other. Spinning slowly, Gon tilts his head up. 

“Don’t be so stiff; relax.” Their hands separate as they take a step back, turning again. Gon pouts. 

“I’m doing my best,” he whines in a small voice. 

They separate again, facing each other, and there, on Killua’s lips, Gon notices a shadow of a smile. It’s subtle, and the prince hides it the moment he sees Gon looking at him. But it’s too late; he saw it. 

Gon beams, a wide smile spreading on his own face as he continues following the choreography he spent three days learning. He can’t help himself. 

“Was that a smile I just saw?” he teases, as they approach each other again. The slight blush spreading on Killua’s cheeks is enough to fill him with joy. 

“You’re embarrassing. There’s people around,” he mutters, raising his hands to pose it against Gon’s. 

Gon only laughs, causing him to stumble a bit on his feet. Killua rolls his eyes, but there’s still a little smile on his lips. 

“I prefer seeing you smile than being mean to me.” Gon states, pushing his tongue out. But Killua’s smile flatters as they separate again. 

“I already told you I have nothing against you,” he says with a sigh. 

Gon frowns. “I’d really like to know why my presence is so upsetting to you then.” 

Biting his lips, Killua averts his eyes for a moment, and Gon follows it. He lands on the Queen and the King, sitting not far away, watching them carefully. When he goes back on Killua, he notices his frown. 

“I don’t want them to decide my life.” He admits, posing both hands against Gon this time. They swing, and Gon waits for more information. “I don’t really care about marrying or anything else; I just want to be free.” 

“But don’t you want your kingdom to be-”

“Safe? I know. I get that you care about your family.” He pouts, frown deepening and aversion building in his tone. “It’s not that I don’t care. I have enough brothers who would willingly accept the crown. But because I don’t want to, I am the one who ends up marrying someone and is forced to follow our parents’ will.” 

Gon can’t help himself; he stops in the middle of the dance. Killua hisses, pushing his hands away so he has to take a step back. He finally catches up, swinging around. 

Gon would have never thought Killua was pressured. Of course, he’s guessed there was some sort of burden; they are both princes after all, and they have duties. But he could never imagine his family pressuring him into something like this. Even if he was intended to Killua since a young age, he knew a single word from him would be enough to stop everything. But he didn’t want to; he was willing to do everything it took for the people he loved. So Killua’s parents pressuring him while there are other siblings willing to take the throne is cruel. 

He shakes his head, coming back to the dance. Killua is looking at him with intense eyes, judging his moves. So he counts again in his head, trying to catch up with the several steps he messed up. 

“I didn’t know,” he breathes out, approaching Killua again with so much force they almost collide. 

“Be careful!” He urges, taking Gon’s hands in his own. 

“Ah sorry.” He flushes from embarrassment as he finds himself facing Killua, both hands joined. “Killua, I-” 

But he doesn’t have the time to finish.The music ends, quickly followed by the guests’ claps. Killua moves away from him, bowing respectfully. A little bewildered, Gon bows too and watches the prince walk out. In a matter of seconds, the room is filled with people dancing, hiding Killua from his view. 

Gon finds himself sitting on the royal table, looking at the guests dancing without really watching them. He doesn’t know what to do as Killua’s words turn around in his mind. 

He can’t help but wonder if he felt the same before losing his memories. Did his past self know about Killua’s burden? If he did, did he try to put an end to their marriage too? He wants to help him, and he wishes he could. But he can’t let his Island down. He can’t let his family down. 

“Cheer up, Gon! Why are you sulking? It’s supposed to be an enjoyable night!” Gon nearly jumps at the interruption, tilting his head to see Alluka taking a seat at his side. 

“Ah, sorry, Alluka.” He scratches the back on his head, smiling slightly at her. “Got a bit on my mind.” 

“Care to share?” she asks, looking at him intently with a soothing smile. 

He sighs. “Killua told me something…” She raises her brows, but sits more comfortably, a silent prod for him to continue. “He told me about your parents’ pressure.” 

He immediately sees the change in her eyes as her smile disappears. She sighs, averting her gaze. “He told you.” Gon nods. “You know, he has always been the greatest brother I ever had. He had always supported me, protected me.” She raises her head to look at him. “He has been trying to get away from father’s hold since we were both little. So this marriage is just another way for them to pressure him.” 

“Why didn’t we search for a way to change things? Wasn’t I aware of it before tonight?” 

She shakes her head. “Never. He probably thought he could change things since you...”

“Since I lost my memories?” 

“Yes.” She laughs slightly, but it’s bittersweet. “You know, Canary and he made a promise when they were little; it’s silly, but they promised to marry each other once they were older, just to piss off our parents, and because Killua preferred being married to someone he knew than a stranger.” 

Gon looks down, frowning. “We didn’t know each other for long?” 

“No, both ours and your parents decided to wait for you to be older enough before you met each other. You met only five years ago, and saw each other only once or twice a year.” 

“I see.” He has never been more frustrated about his memory loss than right now. He feels betrayed and lost. “I wish I could help,” he murmurs, locking his eyes with hers. 

“You can,” Alluka says hopefully. “All you have to do is cancel the marriage. Nobody will do it if Killua is the only one demanding it, but if you-”

“Alluka,” he interrupted, casting her a painful look. “I can’t. Maybe Killua has other brothers he can rely on, but I’m the only prince of Whale Island. I can’t break the treaty.” 

She closes her mouth in a firm line, brows furrowing. He can clearly see the deception and annoyance in her eyes, so he adds, “I’m sorry.” 

It takes her a few seconds before sighing, resting a hand on her face. “I know.” She bites her lip, looking back at the people dancing. Then, she states determinedly, “It’s not your duty to protect Killua after all.” 

He doesn’t have the time to ask her what she means before her face lights up and she turns to him. “Enough sadness for today!” She stands up abruptly, taking his hand in hers and pulling him up. “Come on, let’s dance!”

And even if he is clearly the worst dancer in the room, Gon dances until the end of the ball. 

—

Life in the Zoldyck’s castle is pretty monotonous. Gon either wakes up with Palm’s knock on the door or wakes long before his friend enters his room. They talk a lot during the morning about anything worth talking about. Gon is the one doing most of the talking, having countless questions wandering in his mind. 

After that, he barely has time for anything. He goes to see Kite, forcing knowledge into his mind until he feels frustrated enough to go to Alluka’s lesson. He’s always happy to see his two main tutors, but their lessons are tiring. Alluka is ruthless with him, just as much as Kite. He always ends up sweaty and bruised, heart pounding in his chest. 

After taking a bath, he does his best to venture around the castle, avoiding diner time with the Zoldycks. He is still not used to them; to be honest, they have a strange aura that unsettles him. Not that he has seen them often. He barely crosses paths with them, and doesn’t even know how the other brothers look. 

He only sees Killua, nearly everyday. He’s either with Alluka, waiting for him, or chatting around the castle with Canary. His relationship with Killua has become more courteous, more enjoyable, as Killua is finally comfortable enough to smile around him. 

So when Gon finally has a free day, he feels ecstatic. He knows he should rest, lay down somewhere and calm down a bit, but he wants to have fun. Not that he doesn’t enjoy his lessons; sometimes they are fun, and he laughs a lot even with exhaustion creeping in his body. But right now, he needs something else. He wants to play. 

So he wanders around the castle, searching for anyone he knows, someone willing to go out with him, to play and talk outside in the sun. But he finds neither of the friendlier Zoldycks nor Canary. He pouts, his option reduced to Palm, who is also nowhere to find. 

So he ventures again into the castle, searching for corridors he hasn’t yet discovered, searching for anything that can satisfy his excitement. He finds it on the farther end of the castle. A small body, running on his tiny legs, giggling uncontrollably and hiding behind a huge vase. 

He can’t help the smile creeping on his lips as he approaches the kid silently. When he’s close enough, he bursts into his hiding place, screaming, taking the being into his arms. The little boy laughs, raising his arms as if he has just won. Gon joins him in his laugh before kneeling down to put him back on his feet. 

“Hello you, where do you come from? Why are you alone?” He asks, even if he knows the child is too young to answer him. The latter only giggles, raising his arms again so Gon would carry him. 

He takes the little boy into his arms once more, heart melting at his funny sounds. He looks around, searching for an adult but sees no one. So he continues walking, hoping someone would come take the kid back. 

And someone does. A tall man runs towards them, arms outstretched, ready to take back the child from his hold. He’s a medley of frustration and relief, as he cries out. “Haru, you little—” He doesn’t finish his sentence when he finally recognizes Gon. 

Immediately, his eyes go round, and he bows. But Gon feels the bow is forced, as if it pains him to do it. “Prince Gon, I apologize for the trouble my son caused you; I will take full responsibility—”

“Oh, please no!” Gon urges, waving a free hand in front of him while holding the child on the other. “Please, straighten up. I don’t like formalities! And your son didn’t cause me any trouble at all; on the contrary, we had a bit of fun.” 

The man raises his head, eyebrow shooting up. Gon hands him the boy, whom he takes carefully. The kid immediately wraps his arms around his father, plunging his head into his shoulder. 

“Ah, where are my good senses! I’m sorry; I’m Leorio, a servant here.” He nods politely, and Gon beams. 

“Hi Leorio, I’m Gon! That's a cute little boy that you have here!” 

Leorio’s brows keep rising higher as he answers. “Thank you, my prince. His name is Haru; he tends to play pranks on us and escape just so we can search for him. I am deeply sorry if he interrupted—”

“I told you it was fine already.” Gon dismisses his excuses with a wave of his hand and another wide smile. “And please, call me Gon.” 

Leorio finally smiles, puffing his chest. “Well, I guess Palm was right about you.” 

It’s Gon’s turn to be surprised. “You know Palm?” 

The man laughs, nodding. “Of course. We all know each other here.” 

Guess it makes sense. Gon smiles back then, swaying on his feet. “I was actually searching for her. Well, rather searching for any distraction.” 

“You can come with me then; you are in the maids’ wing; there’s enough distraction in the kitchens if you want!” 

Gon accepts willingly, following Leorio further into the castle. They enter a huge kitchen, and Gon is struck to see the pleasant mood of the room. Everybody is talking loudly, laughing, some are humming, others are moving along the sounds. Everywhere has a smile, and everyone has a special task to do. 

“Kurapika, I found him,” Leorio shouts over the clatter, approaching a blond man sitting on a table. 

Kurapika smiles when he sees the two enter and bends down so Haru can sit on his shoulders. “Your son should learn some manners, Leorio.” 

The man huffs in response, scolding. “He’s your son too; take responsibility.” 

Gon laughs, warmed by their conversation. It earns him a glance from the blond, and then soon enough, all eyes are on him. Silence falls on the room, contrasting heavily with the pleasant mood from earlier. Gon flushes, suddenly aware of all the attention on him. He doesn’t know what to do as he scratches the back of his head, smiling nervously. 

“Gon!” A voice calls for him. “What are you doing here?” Palm shuffles her way between the people, stopping only when she has her arms around his shoulder. “You missed me already?” 

Gon laughs, feeling his discomfort flying away. “Actually, yes! It’s my free day, and I am trying to find someone to have fun with me!” 

“You came to the right place then!” she says. 

A heavy laugh echoes in the room as a built man puts his arms around Palm’s shoulder. “So the girl has been right all along about the prince!” 

She lets go of Gon’s own shoulder, turning menacingly to the man at her side. “Knuckles, get your arms off me or I kill you.” 

Gon shudders, eyes wide. He has never heard Palm this threatening and fears for the life of the man. But Knuckles just shrugs it off, laughing. 

Surprise gone, everyone goes back to their different tasks, clatter building up again in the room. Conversations pick back up where they left and laughter fills the room. Soon enough, Gon joins them, being called to help. 

He helps bake the bread for tonight’s dinner, joins the humming, and plays with Haru. He meets new people, learns more about them, laughs, sings, and even dances with them. The atmosphere is everything he was searching for, and for the first time since he can remember, he actually has fun. 

Not only because all the maids are welcoming and cheerful, but also because this time, he actually meets them. And it feels great; it feels refreshing to be at the same page as everyone else. 

He has missed this feeling,along with the feeling of being free and genuinely happy. Thinking back to his early years he remembers playing around the castle and going outside to eat or to play with Mito San. He remembers doing things just for the sake of enjoying himself and nothing else. 

As he is coming back to his room, belly full after eating with his new friends, he smiles and thinks he should propose that he and Killua have a little moment outside. They can go in the courtyards, take something to eat and just spend the afternoon together. That would help them build a simpler and more enjoyable relationship. 

Tonight, it’s lightheaded and confident that he lays down on his bed. And for the first time in too long, he falls asleep as easily as breathing. 

He wakes up a few hours later in panic as two hands tighten their hold around his neck. 

His first reaction is to gasp, searching for air, begging for his lungs to fill up, without success. Panicked, he immediately brings his hands to his neck, trying to push away the hold. He blinks several times, trying to recognize the shadow on the top of him. 

Quickly, he brings his hands to the person’s head, pushing forcefully; he even tries to kick him but finds out his legs are being controlled by the person on top of him. It’s a man, he can feel it in his fingers. Feeling the hold tightening further on his neck, anxiety grows over him; he fidgets, kicking and punching everywhere, trying desperately to get away from his hold. 

He needs air. His lungs are screaming, crying. His throat is being shredded into pieces. There’s tears in his eyes—is that why he can’t see anything? 

He kicks again and again. Wait— Is he really? Is he moving? 

He needs air. He needs air. He needs—

Air. 

He inhales deeply. It hurts. He coughs. 

Gon lies back down, trying desperately to force air into his lungs, he coughs again and again. It’s painful, and he feels dizzy, his head hurting as if it has been crushed against a wall. 

Bringing his hands to his neck, he finally registers it’s free; he is free. How? 

He turns to the side, still coughing violently, throat on fire. He barely has the time to see anything other than how the lamp on his nightstand lights up and Killua’s face appears in front of him. 

He feels a hand on his shoulder, firm, strong. Panicked, he gets away from it, backing down on his bed, his own hands still on his neck and still trying to find back his breath. He blinks, once, twice. Killua is talking. He doesn’t hear. 

Squinting his eyes, he puts even more space between him and the silver-haired boy, heart pounding in his chest. He looks suspiciously at Killua’s outstretched hands. Bloodied hands. 

“Gon?” His voice finally arrives to his ears, as he looks up to see the prince’s face. He seems worried. “It’s me. It’s okay.” His eyes focus on his hands again. Why is there blood? Gon looks at his own hands; is he bleeding too? “It’s not mine, it’s okay. Gon, look at me. You’re safe now.” 

How could he be safe when his— Gon eye’s finally falls on the body on the ground. A guard, inert but breathing, blood covering his face. He looks back at Killua. The latter is hiding his hands behind him, eyebrows furrowed, watching him carefully. 

Gon sighs. Relief overtaking him for the first time since he woke up. It still hurts as he winces, trying to articulate. “Wh-what—” He takes a deep breath, coughing again. “What happened?” 

Killua frowns deeper, casting a quick glance to the guard. “I was coming to see you. But I noticed there wasn’t any guard in front of your door and found him choking you.” He brings his hand in front of him seeing Gon feels calmer about it and grimaces. “Maybe I went a bit hard.” 

“Why?” Gon tries to talk again, but coughs, unable to finish his sentence. 

Killua shakes his head. “Don’t talk. He hurt you pretty bad. Come here.” Gon approaches him, raising his head so the prince could look at his neck. Killua brings a hand to his neck but stops himself before contact. “Ah yes, sorry.” Instead, he approaches further, looking closely at the wound. “You’ll be fine.” He states after moving away. “You should check the doctor tomorrow, and you shouldn’t talk. I think you need to rest after what happened.” 

It’s easy to notice the worry in his tone and his eyes, and the sight of it soothes Gon. He nods carefully, looking at the boy going out of his room to ask for guards. He brings his knees to his chest, observing two of the guards entering his room to take away the man on the floor. With a nod to Killua, they disappear. 

Just like that. 

As if nothing happened. 

He hears the silver-haired boy talking to him, but can’t distinguish him well as he looks at the open door. “I should probably go.” He can hear the embarrassment in his tone, as if he doesn’t know what to do. He continues. “Get some rest; we should talk about this tomorrow.” 

Gon blinks. He feels something wet flowing on his cheeks and as he swipes it notices it’s a tear. Ah, that’s why Killua is blurred. Others make their way on his skin, and as he tries angrily to swipe them away he can’t help but groan. 

He had lost his memory one week earlier, and tonight he had just escaped death. What kind of life is this? What does God have against him these days? Did he do something wrong he doesn’t remember? 

He hates it. He hates the tears rolling on his cheeks. He isn’t fragile; he isn’t weak; he doesn’t cry. So why can’t he keep them inside? He hates even more the fact that he can’t know. He has no idea to know if he has always been like that, if he has always felt this weak or if it is because of the recent events. 

But he hates it. How weak he feels. 

He feels the bed sagging and looks up to see Killua climbing on it to his side. Back leaning against the wall, they both sit in silence, Gon doing his best to stop his tears. 

“It’s okay.” Killua’s tiny murmur echoes in the darkness of the room. “You can cry. We’re not just royalty; we’re human.” 

So he does. Trying to calm himself progressively, starting with his tears, his breathing and then his heart. He’s grateful for the silence, but even more thankful for the presence at his side. It feels nice, having someone with him. No need for talking, just listening to the silence, to the other’s breathing. 

And slowly, Gon starts to drift apart, exhausted, knocked out by the events. He falls asleep on the thought that he hasn’t thanked Killua yet for saving his life. 

__

  
  


Gon sits, sighing deeply. He throws the grass he has been playing with for a good hour before swiping his hands on his pants. After his appointment with the doctor of the castle, he went outside in one of the courtyard to take in the fresh air. It’s been nearly two hours now. 

He has been graced from his lessons for the day, giving him time to recover from the incident from the previous night. Except, he doesn’t want it. He wants anything but having time to think about his life. Lessons with Alluka and Kite are complicated enough for him to focus all his thoughts onto them, allowing him to think about nothing else. 

But here, sitting on the grass without anyone to talk to, he has plenty of time to think about the meaning of life. Which he really doesn’t need. Last night had been embarrassing enough when he cried senseless next to Killua until he passed out. He doesn’t need another day to think about that. 

He woke up this morning alone in his bed. Without traces of Killua anywhere. He couldn’t blame the man; he was probably tired, too, and had gone back to his own room. But when Gon had searched everywhere for a little note and found none, he hadn’t been able to hide his disappointment. 

If he has to be completely transparent, he still feels a clench in his heart at the thought of it. He doesn’t know what he had been expecting, but this isn’t the solution he wanted for sure. He lets out a long breath again, standing up. He still needs to thank him though. 

Returning to the castle, he picks up a flower on the way, bringing to his nose to appreciate the discret scent. He smiles, hoping it would please Killua. He doesn’t really know where to find him but hopes he’s in his room. 

Turns out he is, but he’s not alone. His door is slightly open, and as Gon is about to open it he hears someone crying. Worried, he wants to enter but a shout echoes on the inside. 

“...to go this far? Were they?” His brows shoot up as he recognizes Alluka’s voice. He has never heard her this distressed, this angry, in his life. It’s really difficult to believe since she’s the embodiment of kind. He doubts himself at first, and stays hidden a bit longer to make sure it’s her. And it is. “His family has nothing to do with that! They are just using excuses to exercise their power again!” 

“Alluka, please calm down,” Killua interrupts her, and when he continues, her cries are muffled. “Murder and treason. Even if I’m not pleased with it too, this isn’t an excuse. Gon was in danger; they did what had to be done.” The prince is even more surprised at his name, confused by the conversation. “I am really sorry for his family too, but there is nothing I can do about that.” 

There is a silence, broken only by sniffs and sobs. “I know. I’m sorry; it’s not your fault. It’s just, I can’t stand them being unfair since-”

A sigh. 

“Since her. I know, it’s okay.” Killua’s voice is soft. And if Gon listens closely he can hear hurt in his tone. “I miss her too, Alluka; I promise-” As he understands that this is a conversation much more private than the beginning, Gon takes a few steps back. Shaking his head, he bites his lips, walking away. 

They were probably talking about his assailant at first, but by the tone of the two siblings, he understood straight away that he had nothing to do with it. He can’t help but wonder now. What happened to the guard who attacked him the previous night? What happened to his family?

“Gon?” 

He jumps, surprised by the interruption. Turning around, he finds Killua looking at him and frowning. 

“Did you need something?” 

“Uh.” He can’t help but feel a bit anxious, afraid that Killua has seen him. “Hi, Killua.” 

There’s a little face that pops up out of the room as Alluka appears in the corridor. Her eyes are red, and there’s no smile when her gaze meets his. Which isn’t usual. 

“Hi Alluka. Hm, I’m sorry I didn’t know you guys were busy, I just wanted to talk a bit.” He gestures with his flower, and Killua keeps his eyes fixed on it. After an awkward silence, Gon continues to approach the prince and hands him the flower. “I just wanted to thank you for last night.”

Killua’s brows shoot up as his face turns crimson. He takes the little flower from Gon’s hand, looking at it expectantly, visibly trying to avoid eye contact. The sight of him puts a smile on Gon’s lips, and he joins his hands behind his back and swings on his feet. 

“Ah, thank you. But you didn’t have to; you-” 

“Of course I did; you saved me!” Killua becomes even redder, closing his mouth in a firm line. “I was thinking we could talk for a bit? We could all three go take some fresh air outside?” 

The silver-haired boy turns to his sister, who only shrugs the proposition off, smiling. But her smile flatters; it feels off, fake. “Go on, you two; I have things to do!” 

Killua bites his lips. “Alluka, I-”

But she insists. “Go. I’ll see you later.” 

He nods, turning back to Gon. They both take the way to the courtyards as Alluka waves goodbye. 

“Do you like the flower, Killua?” he asks, peeking out to see the man’s face. Killua blushes again, averting his eyes and pouting. 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

They walk silently, stopping only when they find a place under a tree to sit down. There’s a sweet silence between them, calm and soothing. But as Gon remembers Killua’s discussion with Alluka, he frowns. 

“What happened to the man?” 

It takes Killua a few minutes to answer. He’s looking at the castle, at the tree, the flowers, anything but Gon. But eventually he breathes out. “Killed.” 

Deep down, Gon knew it. Since the moment guards came into his room last night, he knew the man would get judged. And there was no other option after his crimes. As Killua had said, attempt to murder a royal member and committing treason is the biggest crime anyone could ever think of.

But the news doesn’t feel less shocking anyway. 

“His family worked for us. They have been kicked out.” 

“What?” Gon blurts out sparkling Killua’s grimace. “Why? They did nothing wrong!” 

“I know. But my father judged them possibly partners in crime and didn’t want to put the castle into eventual danger.” There's aversion in his voice, as his fists clenched. 

“That’s…” Gon starts but can’t find the right word. 

“Cruel. Yes, welcome to the Zoldyck family, I guess.” 

Gon looks away, brows furrowed. Since the first day he met the Zoldyck he felt an unsettling aura emmaning from them. He thought it was normal; he thought it was a royal aura. But the more time he spends in the castle, the more he thinks there’s something wrong with them. 

“How did it come that you specially have to take the throne if you have other brothers? Are you the eldest?” 

Killua shakes his head, pushing his fists against the grass. “I’m the second one. Illumi is off the throne. Father has always said he was meant to rule military business.” 

“What about the others?” 

“Milluki would love to, and Kalluto has other projects, I think. But since I’m the only one who wants nothing more than to get away from here, I’m the one getting married.” He eyes Gon, wincing. “No offense.” 

“None taken.” Gon sighs. “At least not anymore.” 

There's silence as Gon thinks about Killua’s words. He wishes he could help him; he wishes he could do something. But whatever solution he could find, his marriage with Killua couldn’t be canceled. His only solution left would be marrying the silver-haired boy and leaving him be. But he knows that would be difficult with their future duty. 

“Killua?” Gon to continues after Killua hums. “You say this is a kind of punishment, a way for your parents to keep you close. But we were still young when we got engaged to the other right? More than ten, but likely still young. Would they really do that to you?” 

And this time, Gon knows he went too far. Killua’s jaw clenches as he breathes out through his teeth. He even closes his eyes painfully, before whispering. “They can do way worse.” He scoffs. “Are you sure you want to marry this family?” he asks, turning back to Gon. 

Gon scoffs at his turn, casting a bittersweet grin. “Guess I don’t really have a choice. Plus, except maybe your parents, people are pretty fun and kind here.” 

There’s a tiny smile on Killua’s face as he turns his gaze back to the castle. “You’re right.”

—

“Gon, you’re spacing out again.”

The prince takes a few seconds to register his tutor’s words as he turns his head to him. Kite is looking at him, analyzing his expression. 

“Ah, yes sorry.” Gon focuses back on the opened book in front him, trying to remember the subject they have been on since this morning. But even as he blinks to read the words, none of them actually arrive in his brain. 

Kite sighs, taking a seat to face him. He closes the book, forcing Gon to look up at him. “Is this about the other night again?” He nods, knowing lying is useless. “If you need more days to recover, you just have-”

“It’s not about that,” he interrupts, shaking his head slowly. 

The tall man frowns, thinking in silence for a few minutes. Then he sighs, a small smile displaying on his lips. “Of course it’s not.” 

“I just can’t help but wonder if his family is okay,” Gon admits, crossing his arms on the table to put his chin on them. His brows furrow, lips pressed in a firm line. 

“There’s nothing you can do for them.” 

“Isn’t there? Isn’t my name enough to help them?” His voice has a slight tremble to it, anger building up in him. “They did nothing wrong. And why take such a radical punishment? There should have been other options.” 

Kite hums, laying his back against his seat and crossing his arms at his turn. Gaze locked on Gon, he admits, “I didn’t want to think too much about it, but I do think there is something wrong with it.” 

“Of course there is!” Gon sits up straight, fists clenched. “He didn’t deserve to die!” 

“I wasn’t talking about that,” Kite interrupts firmly. “Murder and treason are the worst crimes.” 

“Attempt to murder,” Gon corrects, wrinkling his nose. 

But Kite only shakes his head. “What I meant is, I don’t understand why the guard would betray a royal member, knowing he has a family behind who needs him.” He sighs at Gon’s confused look, clarifying. “A guard wouldn’t take such risks. Which means the order must have come from the inside.”

There’s a long silence as Gon tries to understand what Kite means. As realization slowly creeps his way into his mind, his eyes widen and jaw drop. He tenses, looking at his tutor expectantly. 

“Are you insinuating the Zoldycks have something to do with it? That’s a grave accusation, Kite, you-”

“Sadly, I know.” He pauses, letting the weight of his words settle around the room. “But I don’t see any other reasons for this attack. Even if he had an aversion against royalty, the guard would have chosen someone other than you. A Zoldyck member.”

Gon grows more and more confused as the conversation goes on, disbelief finding its way into his mind. “Why would they do that? There’s no sense; it would be like declaring war on Whale Island, which both Kingdoms have been trying to prevent for years.” 

“I know. That’s why I was ignoring my theory. But the more I try, the more I think about it...” 

Gon frowns, looking absentmindedly at the closed book. “I mean, I know now the King and the Queen are pretty strict and horrible people but… They wouldn’t go that far? Would they?” 

Killua’s voice echoes in his head, memories of the day before. _They can do way worse._ Gon shakes his head, refusing to believe. He hates judging people, but it’s not the first time the royal couple has sparked negative thoughts and rumors. 

Kite shrugs. “The Zoldycks are known to have deep secrets and unresolved mysteries.” 

A cold chill slips down Gon’s spine. 

—

When he arrives in the usual training courtyard, Gon is even more confused. But it’s nothing compared to the utter surprise he feels when he meets Alluka. The moment he sees her, he smiles and waves, a habit they both adopted. But there’s no response from her—none except a nod of her head. And when he’s close enough to see her rigid expression, he can’t help but feel surprised, dumbfounded. 

He has never seen Alluka so distant. There are no smiles, no warm looks, no soft words exchanged. Just coldness as she averts her gaze, incapable to look at him in the eyes. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, knowing immediately there is something wrong. 

But she denies. “Fine. Let’s just get started.” Gon even has a recoil at the coldness of her voice. “Today is self-defense fighting.” 

He nods, unable to do anything else. He notices the lesson has a link with the recent events but says nothing, waiting for her to elaborate. But she just positions herself in front him, legs apart and fists up. Gon can’t help his bewildered expression. 

He barely has the time to position himself before she offers a warning. “I’m going to attack you; you defend.” And without further words, she rushes at him. She gives him a punch in the stomach, knocking the air out of his lungs. Gon barely has the time to register the pain, bending down, before she catches his feet. In less time that it takes to say it, he finds himself on his back, coughing violently, disorientated. 

He tilts his head to look at her and finds her standing next to him, hand stretched out. He frowns, but accepts her help and stands up. He casts her a horrified look. “Warn a man before, would you?” 

She only shrugs, positioning herself again. “Your assailant won’t wait for you to be ready.” 

She isn’t wrong, but still. This time though, she does wait for him to be in position before attacking. She goes for a kick into his chest this time, propulsing him a few steps back. Gon finds himself out of breath again, taken by surprise. He hasn’t thought she would go this hard on him. In a matter of seconds, he feels his legs giving out again and falls on the ground. 

He groans, ignoring her hand this time as he stands up. He pushes his hand against his chest, wincing. “That hurt.” 

“People won’t go easy on you when attacking.” 

There is still no emotion on her face. She’s stern, ruthless. He doesn’t know if it’s a cover, if she’s like that just because she has to play the role of the attacker. But it feels like she really has a problem today. He has never seen her like this, and it is very unsettling. Thinking about what he heard the previous day and her conversation with Killua, he can’t help but ask. 

“Are you sure you are okay? It doesn’t seem like it.” 

But again, she just positions herself back. It would have been very upsetting if Gon didn’t know who she usually is. If she’s acting this way, it must be for something. He just wishes he can help. 

He brings his hands up to his chest, protecting the area. She runs to him again, giving him another kick, to his side this time. It hurts, but Gon is able to keep balance as he tries to catch her leg. But she’s too fast. And before he can actually try another move, he feels his body being pushed. He falls on his back again, and the next thing he knows, she’s on top of him, fist closed against his chest. 

He breathes out, feeling his heart beating fast. “Is this about the attack from last time? Did that affect you?” 

He clearly sees the change in her expression as it becomes more tense, more rigid. He feels his heart squeeze in his chest, as he notices the look of disgust on her face. How could such a wonderful and kind hearted woman be capable of such frightening expression? Something is definitely bothering her. 

She gets off of him, keeping her hands to herself. But before he can stand up, she spits, turning on her heels and rushing in the castle’s direction. “I’m done for today.” 

Gon watches, confused and lost, as she disappears. 

What on earth happened? 

—

Gon shifts, turning to face his ceiling to blink into the dark. He has been searching for sleep for a few hours now without finding an ounce of it. Actually, it has been pretty hard for him to find sleep since that night, but it seems even harder tonight. 

This day has been confusing, and the bittersweet feeling of it still settles in his mouth. Heart squished, as if heavy secrets are weighing on it. He sighs, sitting up. 

Since he visited Killua into his room this afternoon after his training session, this bittersweet feeling crept into him and still hasn’t left. He remembers knocking at his door, hearing light laughs and joyful babble. The prince was talking with Canary, both sitting on his bed, laughing and smiling brightly. 

This time, when he entered, Killua’s smile didn’t disappear. At least, not as quickly as the first time. He just raised his brows, asking him if there was something wrong. 

There was. Gon came here to talk to him about Alluka, asking to check on her because she didn’t seem well at all. But he didn’t know if Alluka would appreciate him telling this in front of Canary. So he gently asked if he could talk to him alone. But Killua just frowned, looking quickly at Canary. 

“It’s fine, there’s nothing to hide from Canary.” 

The words sparked a strange feeling in him, the same bittersweet one he is feeling at the moment. Canary had insisted she should just go, but Killua refused. So he told everything. They both shared a knowing look then, making him feel like he was an outsider. 

He hated it and still hates it. He hasn’t been able to shake the look out of his mind, feeling more and more conflicted about it. He doesn’t know why exactly he feels this hurt about it, but he can’t shake it off. 

He guesses it’s because he hates not knowing. He doesn’t know what they both thought about, and that has unsettled him. After all, since he lost his memories, he has difficulties accepting there are things he just doesn’t know. 

Gon groans, pushing his blankets aside and getting out of his bed. He can’t stay in his bed all night turning around and blinking at his ceiling. It’s very early in the morning; the castle is still asleep, but he finds himself wandering into the corridors anyway. 

He has been walking in the near-dark, looking at the pictures and overthinking again when a voice scares him. 

“Gon?” 

He jumps, turning around quickly. Heart pounding in his chest, he breathes out strongly when he recognizes the silver hair. “Killua? God, you scared me!” 

“Ah, sorry.” 

“Why are you up this late?” He approaches the prince, frowning. “Is something wrong?” 

Killua shakes his head, averting his gaze. “I waited for Alluka to fall asleep.” 

“Oh,” Gon murmurs, he has barely seen Killua’s expression in the dark but catches how glossy his eyes look. “Is she okay?” 

“Yes, she will be fine.” He offers a tiny smile. 

“And you?” 

“What about me?” 

“Are you okay?” 

There is a long silence, neither heavy nor light. Gon feels Killua is searching his words, trying to find what he can and what he can’t say. He waits patiently. 

Finally, he sighs. “I should be the one asking you.” He starts walking, and Gon follows him. “What are you doing up this late?” 

He shrugs, wincing. “Can’t sleep.” 

Killua hums as they both fall into silence. This time, it’s soothing. The sound of their steps echoing into the corridor, the calmness of the castle covering them—it feels nice. 

“How is your training going?” 

Gon turns to him, and can’t help the smile creeping on his face when he sees Killua averting his gaze. “Are you trying to make small talk, Killua?” 

Killua groans. “Just forget it.” 

He laughs, joining his hands behind his back before answering. “It’s hard, but it’s fun! I can’t wait to learn more and marry you!” 

Killua coughs, and Gon can easily see his face turning crimson. “You’re very confident.” 

He shrugs. “I have to be.” He pauses, peeking at the silver-haired boy. “Killua, how come we don’t know much about each other? We’re supposed to get married in less than two months.” 

“We didn’t meet a lot. Parents wanted to prevent profound rivalries that could happen with long term friendships.” 

“That’s odd. I think it would have been different, don’t you?”

Killua looks at him, but shrugs. “I don’t think so. I just would have hated you earlier.” 

“You hate me?” Gon is surprised, heart beating fast; he feels fear creeping into it, afraid of the answer. 

“I did.” He looks back in front of him, hiding his hands into his pockets. 

“What changed?” 

“You lost your memories.” 

Gon feels as if wind has slapped him. He closes his mouth in a firm line and looks ahead too. Does Killua really see his memory loss as an opportunity to stand against his parents? Is this the only reason he has been kinder with him these last days? He starts overthinking, biting his lip. 

“Not because of that.” Killua sighs, interrupting his thoughts. Gon lifts his head, looking at him expectantly. “You were pretty strong-minded before.” He pauses, searching for the right words. “You had one goal; protect your family. Which you still have, I know,” he continues when he sees Gon fidgeting. “But there was nothing else to it. You overdid yourself, and weren’t kind to others when you had your goal in mind.” 

Shocked, Gon’s jaw slowly falls. He wouldn’t have thought about that. He has always thought he was pretty joyful and kind. Being as Killua is describing seems surreal for him. 

The worst thing about it is the bittersweet feeling squishing his heart. He doesn’t remember it. He doesn’t remember being this person; he can’t even _imagine_ acting as Killua is describing. 

“But, since then, you’ve changed. You actually ask me what I think about the situation, care about my sister, and genuinely want to help. You still have the same goal, but you act more… thoughtfully about it.” 

They both stop as they arrive in front of Gon’s room, facing each other. 

“I am sorry,” Gon murmurs, feeling guilt overtaking him. 

“You don’t have to be. Growing into a royal family has its disadvantages.” Killua shrugs, offering him a small smile. 

“Yes. I guess forgetting about them and feeling like a ten year old has its advantages then.” His tone is more playful as he grins, sticking his tongue out at the prince. 

“It does; you shine brighter.” The blush on Killua’s cheeks as he averts his gaze makes Gon’s heart stop as he feels his own face turning crimson. But he pushes a bright smile, happiness showering him. 

“Thank you, Killua.” 

“Don’t make a riot about it,” Killua grumbles, rolling his eyes. 

But it only widens Gon’s smile. “Goodnight, Killua.” 

“Goodnight.” 

—

Gon is banging his head against his book under Kite’s desperate gaze when a laugh echoes in the library. He looks up and smiles once he meets Killua’s smile. The man is leaning against the wall, arms crossed,clearly mocking him. 

“Killua!” he exclaims, Kite’s question immediately pushed to the back of his mind. He can see his tutor shaking his head out of the corner of his eyes, but he keeps his attention on the prince. 

“I don’t think that will help you learn anything,” Killua teases, nodding to Kite as a greeting. 

Gon groans. “It doesn’t. But at least I tried.” He sticks his tongue out, winking. 

“You’re done for today. You can go,” Kite breathes out, exasperated, but a tiny smile makes its way on his lips. 

“Thanks Kite! See you tomorrow!” Gon beams, standing abruptly to run towards Killua. “Are you going to come with me to Alluka’s lesson?” 

The silver-haired boy nods, turning around to lead the way. Gon follows him at his side, happy to have someone to talk to. 

“Is she really okay now? I hope so. She was ruthless with me yesterday, I didn’t even get to land a hit.” He winces, shrugging. “I guess I'm not really good at self-defense either, but I’m sure I can do some good moves if she’s a bit less violent.” He frowns. “She isn’t wrong when she said my assailant wouldn’t take it easy on me though.” 

He shakes his head, putting his smile back on. He takes a few steps further before turning around, walking backwards so he can see Killua.“But it’s fine! I love learning things from her! It’s painful, but I prefer physical hurt over mental. I mean, I’m not complaining.”

“You are,” Killua scoffs.

“Well maybe. But it’s so hard to memorize all the different military strategies of your Mountain. Plus, Kite’s questions are extremely hard; I lose a part of my brain each time I try to answer them. Don’t forget about-”

“You sure talk a lot,” Killua interrupts, smirk on his face. 

Gon stops as Killua’s words make their way into his mind. When the prince passes by him, he pouts, turning around to walk back at his side. “That’s not true.” 

“You’ve been rambling since the moment I came searching for you in the library,” he teases, rolling his eyes. “Thinking about it, I’ve never seen you quiet.” 

Gon crossed his arms, sulking even more. “I can be really quiet when I want to.” 

Killua arches a brow. “Can you? What do you think of a little challenge then?” 

Gon tilts his head, eyes sparkling. At the sight of Killua’s smirk, his own lips curve up. “I’m in.” 

“You don’t even know what’s the challenge yet.” 

“I’m still in.” His grin changes into a wide smile as he states, “I’m sure I can do anything.” 

“Fine,” Killua answers, stepping out of the castle. “Let’s see if you are truly able to keep quiet. If you speak, even a single word, during Alluka’s lesson, you lose. I’ll tell you exactly when it will start.” 

“If I win, I want a date,” Gon blurts, feeling confident. 

Surprised, Killua nearly chokes, face turning crimson. He squints at the man, but Gon only smiles wider, waiting for an answer, defiance in his eyes. 

“Fine,” he growls, averting his eyes. 

“What do you want if I lose?” 

It takes him a few minutes, and they arrive in the courtyard before he answers. “I don’t know. I’ll think about it and tell you when I win.” 

“Fine then!” Gon beams, waving at Alluka. 

As they both approach her, she casts them a gentle smile. It doesn’t have its usual warmth to it, but at least it’s here. Gon smiles back at her. Killua greets her too, posing a slight kiss on the top of her forehead as she brings her arms around his body before he goes seat on his usual bench. 

“I’m glad to know you feel better!” he says as she’s stretching. 

She gives him another small smile. “Thank you, Gon.” As she straightens up, positioning herself, she adds, “Not sure if you’ll still feel glad after the lesson though.” 

He’s opening his mouth to answer again when he hears Killua calling to him, teasing. “Should I tell you the challenge has started?” 

He turns to see the smirk on his friend’s lips and sticks his tongue out at him. He barely has the time to turn around before his legs flinch. He groans as his back hits the ground, air bursting out of his lungs. He bangs his head against the grass as he hears two distinct laughs. 

He bites his lips, preventing himself from complaining as he takes the outstretched hand in front of him. He glares at the girl who only smiles at him, shrugging. 

“Don’t turn your back to the enemy.” 

Indeed, he’s not sure he’ll be glad at the end. He doesn’t even have the right to complain. So he growls again, mirroring her position. When she approaches him, trying to punch his chest, he prevents it by bending down. Except that a knee meets his chin, forcing him to back down, groaning ever more. He immediately takes a few steps back as he touches his jaw. 

Feeling better or not, she’s as ruthless as the first time. 

“Good instinct. When you’re hit, if you can back up a few steps, do it.” 

She barely gives the time to register the information that she launches herself at him again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Gon is getting frustrated. It’s been nearly an hour since they started, and he has only hit her once, by chance. He’s still certain he can defend himself at least a bit, but Alluka is too fast for him. Hit after hit, punch after punch, dodge after dodge, she seems to be in her element. 

The thing is, he’s not learning anything like this. He’s just getting kicked, and it annoys him. He wants to know more, —he wants to be able to stand out to her—but right now, he’s just a victim. He’s not learning. 

So when his back hits the ground for the thirty-seventh time, he growls, “Come on! This is useless; I want to learn!” 

He waits for her to lend him a hand, but it doesn’t come. He tilts his head, trying to see why and finds her standing nearby with a smile on her face. He frowns, confused. The moment he hears an exclamation from Killua, he sighs, letting his head fall backward. 

“I’ll let you know later about my prize!” Killua yells at the other side of the courtyard. Killua’s laugh fades as he goes back into the castle. 

Alluka sits at his side, a sorry smile on her lips. “Brother asked me to give you hell.” 

“I thought you were my friend?” Gon asks, falsely horrified. He’s pretty upset he lost, especially when he could have had a date with Killua. But he can’t actually be mad about it. 

She shrugs. “He’s my brother.” 

Gon sighs, sitting up. “Are we done?” 

Alluka nods, smiling gently. “I think you got beaten enough for today. We should head back to the castle-”

“We are going nowhere!” Gon interrupts loudly. “I’ve refrained from complaining for too long. I have things to say so you’ll listen to me!” 

The girl actually laughs at this, making Gon’s heart warm. He’s happy to see her smiling again. “First, how on earth are you this skilled?” 

She shrugs, looking at the sky. “I’ve been training since a very young age.” She has a small smile on her lips; it looks pretty nostalgic, melancholic. “Brother taught me everything I know.” 

Gon’s brows shoot up. “Killua?” 

She hums proudly. “We used to spend hours and hours training together, hidden in a lost shack not far away from here. We didn’t want our parents to know. And since then, I like practicing some moves, learning from Canary too.” 

He whistles. “That’s impressive.” 

Alluka shrugs again, looking at the castle. There’s a slight frown as she justifies. “Brother just wanted for me to be able to defend myself.” She shakes her head, sighing before looking at him again. “So don’t feel offended if you got beaten. I actually have better techniques than some of the guards here.” 

Gon smiles. “I don’t see what you mean. I dominated the fights over here.” They laugh. “Why don’t you take part in Kukuroo’s army?” 

“It’s too dangerous. I don’t want brother to lose me, too. He has enough burdens in his life like that. Plus, I don’t want to be father’s puppet.” She snatched a few strands of grass, playing with it. 

“Too?” Gon emphasizes, confused. 

But then again, Alluka shrugs. “We’ve both had to give up enough things in our life already. We don’t want to risk losing each other, too.” 

Even if Gon doesn’t fully understand, he hums, feeling like this is what his friend needs. 

—

Gon wakes up with the sound of his door opening. He plunges his head into the pillow, groaning loudly. “Palm, it’s my free day; let me sleep.” 

A small scoff reaches his ears, but it isn’t Palm’s. He straightens up on his elbows, looking at the intruder. Killua is leaning against his door, a small smile on his face. 

“Killua? What are you doing here?” he asks, sitting up entirely, very much awake now. 

“You have a favor to fulfill, remember?” 

Gon frowns. It’s been almost an entire week since they had their challenge; he had nearly forgotten about it. So he tilts his head, frowning harder. “What is it?” 

“I thought we could spend the day outside.I asked the Paradinights to cook us something, too.” 

Gon’s confusion only grows. “That sounds a lot like a date. That was my prize.” 

Killua blushes slightly, averting his gaze with a little pout. He grumbles, “If you don't want to, you can just say no.” 

Gon waves his arms in front of him, storming out of his bed as if it’s on fire. “No no no! I didn’t say that! Give me five minutes to get ready!” 

They go to a lake nearby, bringing the food with them. The view is splendid with trees reflecting on the water, animals calling to each other in the woods. The moment they sit down to share the meal, Gon feels happiness overwhelm him. 

It’s not everyday they can go farther away than the courtyards. It’s pretty dangerous for royal members to wander around the villages, so this intimacy of nature soothes him. 

They eat and they talk. They laugh and they tease. They whisper and shout. They admire the view, listen to the sounds of insects, spending a bit of time together, enjoying the sun, enjoying the fresh air. It feels nice. 

“You know,” Gon thinks aloud, tilting his head. “one of the first things I noticed about you was your perfume.” Killua frowns, confused. “I mean, the first impression I had of you wasn’t glorifying; you were stern and strongly menacing. But you smelled like raspberries, and you still do.” He turns to the silver-haired boy, smiling. “I was just wondering why this perfume specially?”

Killua blushes, averting his gaze. “Alluka makes me perfume from the raspberries she can collect since she is little.” He shrugs. “It makes her happy that I use them, and I like it too.”

Gon hums, smiling softly. He finds himself wishing for a bond as candidly beautiful as Killua and Alluka. A bound as pure and heartwarming as them. He’s happy to see Killua has at least a sibling he really loves. He wishes he could have one too, someone with whom he could have fun. 

“We should play hide and seek!” Gon exclaims suddenly, eyes illuminating as he turns to Killua. 

Killua only frowns, taken aback. “How old are you, five?” 

But Gon doesn’t back down, sticking his tongue out. “Last time I checked I was ten.” 

Killua scoffs. “You’re twenty-three and a royal prince.” 

“So? Come on, Killua! Let’s have fun!” His smile only grows wider, eyes sparkling and cheeks pink of excitement.

Killua averts his gaze, grumbling. “Fine.” 

“Great! You count!” And before he can even react, Gon is running away, searching for a good place to hide. 

He knows he’s well hidden when Killua starts searching. The prince yells his name, as if he would actually answer which makes him laugh. He can see Killua’s silver hair through the branches and can’t help but feel excited. 

He can imagine Killua saying it’s childish, can even imagine him shaking his head in despair. But he enjoys it. He enjoys moments like this one, just being himself.

He hears Killua screaming his name again, and he has to use all his self control not to laugh at his annoyed expression. Killua has little patience. 

“Come on, Gon!” 

But he stays hidden. He waits patiently, observing his friend through the leaves. Minutes pass, and he witnesses Killua’s expression change. He’s searching everywhere. But only where it’s easy to hide, where it’s logical to hide. And as Gon stays silent, Killua panics. 

“Gon? Please, I lost, can you come out?” Gon frowns at his tone, but decides to stay hidden a bit longer. “Gon? Gon it’s not funny anymore, please!” He can feel the stress in Killua’s voice. He doesn’t know how long he’s been hiding, but he doesn’t want to worry his friend. 

So he moves, perching on branches further down. He laughs when Killua turns his horrified face to the tree. He’s now sitting on a branch low enough for Killua to see him. 

“That’s not funny!” Killua mumbles, posing both hands on his hips. 

But it only increases his laughter. “To be honest, it is!” And as an idea flashes to his mind, Gon fidgets a bit off his place. He purposely fake an horrified expression at his turn as he yells, leaning his body backwards. “Killua! Killua, help I’ll fall!” 

The reaction is immediate. Killua runs under the tree, both hands stretched out in front of him ready to catch him in his fall. Worry distorting his face. But Gon catches himself in time, hanging on the branch by his hands. He can’t help it, he laughs louder. 

Vexed, Killua only pouts. He brings his hands up, and pulls on Gon’s legs, forcing him to fall. But it doesn’t make him shut up as he continues laughing, unable to stop. Eventually, a small smile appears on Killua’s face. 

“Idiot.” But a soft chuckle escapes him, as he lets himself fall on the ground, too. 

“Your turn!” Gon beams, tilting his head to look at Killua. 

“No. Enough hide and seek for today.” Killua scoffs, looking at the sky. 

“But we only played one time, and you didn’t even find me!” Gon whines. 

“It’s because you’re an idiot. I said no.” 

The prince pouts, crossing his arms. He’s not really mad though, so after a few seconds he asks,” Are you having fun, Killua?” 

It takes him a few seconds to answer. “I am. It’s been a long time.” 

Gon sighs. Laying in the grass, Killua at his side, Gon can’t help but smile. He’s feeling great. He likes taking time for himself, enjoying moments with friends like this. And though he still likes training for his prince’s status, he feels more alive when he’s free. 

As if he can fly away from any problem. All his issues, his questions, feel so little compared to the wide world around him, so insignificant. He likes that feeling. The feeling that even if he loses, even if he fails, it won’t blow up the world. Life goes on and will always continue. 

He’s just a tiny person in the universe. And sometimes, thinking about that soothes him. It takes a weight off his shoulder. It allows him to think properly. 

Turning his head to look at Killua, whose eyes are closed, his hair moving in the wind, Gon smiles wider. It feels good to have other tiny people with him; it makes the adventure even more worthwhile. 

—

The atmosphere is heavy. It has always been heavy when half of the Zoldyck family were together. He doesn’t even want to know how he would feel with all the members in the same room. 

But Gon is fine; he is confident. 

It’s been a month since he has started his formation over again. With Alluka’s and Kite’s lessons, he knows he’s evolved. He knows he has learned at least half of what he had learned during those thirteen years. He knows it because Kite said it. And he trusts Kite. 

They are all seated around a table. His preceptors, the King and the Queen, as well as Killua. They are all discussing Gon’s progress. 

“He has learned all of your strategies and knows the disposition of your Kingdom by heart now. He has caught up with the science elements he lacked and the lectures he forgot about. I think he is doing great and can reach your expectations in a month,” Kite informs, looking at the King without blinking. 

The king nods, turning to his daughter. Alluka frowns. There is an awkward silence as she eyes her brother, biting on her lips. Gon can see her fidgeting with her finger under the table. She finally speaks. “He’s not ready.” 

Gon frowns at her words, feeling a pang in his heart. He looks closely at his friend and notices how she purposely avoids his gaze. 

“He has a solid base in archery and knows a bit about wielding a sword, but he’s lacking in hand to hand combat” she states. Her voice has a slight tremble to it, and Gon can easily see how tensed she is. 

Though she isn’t wrong, Gon can’t understand why she’s saying it like this. This doesn’t help him gain the grace of the royal couple at all. He had thought she would say good things and encourage him, so her words hurt. 

“Combats is not something essential for a King. There are guards to protect him.” The queen speaks, voice reedy and sharp. 

“You know that is not enough. How would the people see a King who can’t defend himself? I wouldn’t trust him with my life,” Alluka spits, eyes burning holes into her mother. 

“He still has a month,” the king interrupts firmly, eyes threatening. “And he seems to succeed so far. Prince Gon, unless you disappoint us during this next month, the marriage will happen and the treaty will subsist. You can all disperse now.” 

Gon nods, standing up. He notices Killua’s clenched jaw but says nothing, storming out of the room. He’s upset. He feels betrayed by Alluka. Even if she is right, there is another way to say it. 

So the moment she gets out of the room, he approaches her. She immediately panics, stretching her hands in front her to calm him. But he’s not mad, he’s hurt. 

“I’m sorry, I can explain!” she urges, casting quick glances behind her to the room’s direction. 

Gon frowns. “I’m not angry. And I would love for you to explain.” 

“Just-” Another glance. “Do you remember the shack I told you about one day? The one my brother and I trained in when little?” He nods and she fidgets in her feet. “Do you still remember where it is?” 

“Yes.” He was more and more confused. 

“Please, join me here in two hours. I have something to do now. I’ll tell you everything then. Trust me.” And just like that, she runs away. 

—

It’s exactly two hours later that he enters the shack. 

It’s little and old, in ruins. He doesn’t feel comfortable as he walks through the different rooms, observing. 

“Alluka?” he calls out, voice unsure. 

His steps are careful, ears listening to the tiniest sounds and eyes wandering suspiciously. When he gets no response, he decides to flee and return to the castle. 

But the moment he turns around, something falls on his face, blinding him. Surprised, his first reflex is to scream. But he doesn’t even have the time to open his mouth that a heavy object knocks him out.

—

Gon wakes up feeling like his head is being crushed. Groaning, he brings his hand to the back of his head; he’s horrified to feel blood on his fingers. He opens his eyes, blinking quickly, panic overtaking him as he sees nothing but darkness. 

He brings his hands to his eyes, rubbing them violently, almost gagging when he feels the blood spreading on his skin. He blinks again, trying to see something, anything. But he can’t even see the tips of his fingers and starts thinking he might be blind. 

He moves his hands around him, feeling the ground he’s on. It’s rigid, hard, and damp. On all fours, he tries to recognize his surroundings, feeling his heart race in his chest, making his breathing erratic. But there’s nothing, just the wet floor. 

He can’t hear anything, see anything, or feel much at all. 

He curls against the floor, plunging his head between his knees. He doesn’t know where he is or what happened. He needs to remember. He has to remember. 

Slowly tapping his head against the ground he tries to steady his breathing. Searching through his memories. Chasing his memories. What was his latest memory? 

Bisky scolding him, for real this time. He has been playing with a sword, the one weapon she has always forbidden him to use. Especially when she wasn’t around. He can see her severe expression, hands on her hips. He is crying. 

Wait— He’s actually crying. He brings his hands to his cheeks, swiping the tears away. 

Mito accepting his eleventh letter with a warm smile, promising him to cherish it forever. She always does this. Accepting his letters about how much he loves her, not reading it in front him but keeping them all in a little box. She even responds to him sometimes. 

The blood on his hands feels disgusting. 

His father ruffling his hair because— His father is dead. He frowns. How does he know that? He doesn’t remember the funeral, doesn’t remember seeing his father dead. But he is sure that he is. Aunt Mito told him.

Searching through his memories. Chasing them. Again. 

Again?

He opens his eyes, meeting darkness again. 

He doesn’t remember his father’s death because he has no memories of it. Mito told him about it the day he lost his memory. At the Zoldyck’s castle. 

Zoldyck castle. 

He is taking his prince’s formation again. He is doing great. He has Kite to help him, Killua is always there too, and Alluka—

Alluka. 

As if God has heard him, a soft light fills the room. He sighs, relieved to see, relieved to know he isn’t blind. But his relief falls short when steps echoes not far away from him. He turns his head, fear overtaking him. 

But as a small, petite silhouette makes her way down the stairs his fear changes into confusion. Then, from confusion to utter disbelief. 

There, standing in front of him, is Alluka. 

He wants to sigh and hug her, happy to see a familiar face. But he knows better. There is an unsettling feeling in his chest, one that pairs with the memory he had first thought as fake. After all, why would Alluka attack him and keep him locked here? 

His discomfort doesn’t disappear either when she sighs, relief evident in her voice. “You’re finally awake.” 

He stiffens at ‘finally’, narrowing his eyes at her. “How long have I been unconscious?” His voice is hoarse and hurts him but he ignores the pain. 

“You’ve been asleep for three days.” She winces. And he swears he can hear guilt in her tone. 

He says nothing more, analyzing the young woman. She’s standing up but keeps playing with her hands holding a lantern behind her back. He notices the way she taps the tip of her shoes on the ground, the way her lips are closed in a firm line, the way the dark circles under her eyes accentuate her look—a lost and very anxious one. 

She keeps casting quick glances to the trap, the only entrance to this place. She seems paler than normal, too, as if her soul has left her, leaving a shell full of fear and stress behind. He squints harder, moving back unintentionally. 

“Alluka. What did you do?” He can’t help the grumble in his voice. 

He hates himself. He hates the fact that he feels uncomfortable with her, the fact that he’s doubting her. She has been nothing but a sweetheart to him since he arrived. She has helped him many times, supporting him. So why is feeling suspicious about her right now? 

He doesn’t know why his mind choose this exact moment to remind him about how distant and rough she had been that day of training, about her comments to the royal couple about his lack of know-how, but it does anyway, enhancing the unsettling feeling in his chest. 

So when she bursts forward, arms outstretched in front of her, dropping the lantern and speaking hastily, he can’t help but move farther away. 

“I am so sorry, Gon, I didn’t mean for all of this to turn that bad.” There are tears rolling down her cheeks, guilt painted on her face. One of her hands is posed against her heart, as if she wants him to believe her. 

Gon feels conflicted. This is the girl he knows in front of him. The one he befriended, the one Killua has so much faith in, so much love for. He wants to scoot closer, dry her tears, and tell her it’s okay, it’s fine. 

But it’s not. He’s locked down in what seems like a basement, has been unconscious for three days, and the only one here is her. There’s nothing fine about it. 

“I promise I didn’t want to hurt you. Things just got out of hand. I never meant to hurt anyone.” 

“Alluka. What did you do?” He interrupts feeling more and more stressed. 

She takes a huge breath, holding it for a few seconds. Then, she breathes out, voice cracking. “I’m holding you hostage.” 

Gon feels as though a bucket of ice has fallen onto him, freezing him to the core. He can’t move, his mind going blank. 

_What?_

He blinks, a rush of questions overtaking his thoughts. Why would the sweet yet fierce Alluka kidnap him? What has he done to deserve that? He is confused, lost, looking at her with narrowed eyes. She’s still anxious, looking at him, probably expecting an answer, a reaction. 

And the only one that goes out of his mouth is: “What happened to you?” 

Because he refuses. He refuses to believe Alluka would do that. He wants to deny it, there has to be a good reason; there has to be a logical answer. He can’t see the girl hurting anyone. At least, not someone that doesn’t deserve it, not when she isn’t in a dangerous situation herself. 

The moment she bursts into tears again, falling on her knees, he knows he’s right. There is history behind all of this, there is something. He sits, bringing his knees to his chest, looking at her. He waits for her to explain, waits for her to calm down and speak. 

When she looks up at him, eyes pleading, imploring, he feels his heart crack into pieces. 

“They took her away from me!” Her cries echo in the empty room, voice breaking, hurt and despair slapping Gon in the face. Tears roll down her cheeks, ending their fall on the already damp floor, but the prince can’t look away from her eyes. He has never seen this much sorrow in someone. 

“I had a twin.” She sniffs, swiping her tears away. “Nanika. She was a part of me, the other half of me. We were always together, playing in our room or outside, taking care of one another. Brother was there too. Always. He has never let us down. She was… special. Not like everyone, but it never bothered me. Even if she didn’t talk much, even if she didn’t look like us, she was the kindest soul I have ever met in my life.

“She loved me and loved brother even more. Nanika was incapable of any harm, she couldn’t even understand she was special. She lived without understanding the hate towards her, the hate from our own family. After all, having a slightly different person in the Zoldyck family was unacceptable, right? They didn’t care about how innocent and kind she was, they didn’t care about her at all. They didn’t want a _monster_ in the family. 

“Killua fought for her, he fought for both of us. But they killed her. Her own parents, the ones who gave birth to her, killed her. Do you know how it feels to have your mind, your body, your soul ripped apart? Do you, Gon? Because that’s how I felt. They took her away from me, away from brother. Without an ounce of regret.” 

Cold shivers make their way down his spine, and he tightens his hold around his legs. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to act, but he is horrified. She is calmer, fists posed on her knees. She continues with a small voice, as if talking is taking all the energy from her. 

“King and Queen of Kukuroo Island. They aren’t the titles my parents deserve. They don’t govern, they don’t protect; they use their power to accomplish they desires.” 

Gon thinks about the conversation he heard one day with Alluka and Killua. Realization hits him as he understands she had been talking about her sister. 

“They don’t want their children’s happiness. They want their goals to be fulfilled. Their power to spread.”

Some things come to sense in Gon’s mind, his heart breaking at the revelation. He knew the Zoldycks were secretive, mysterious, but would have never thought about this. Killing their own child. 

He understands her pain, her despair. He wants nothing else than to pull her into a tight hug, shower her with affection and try to ease her suffering. But he can’t. Frozen to his place, he can’t help but wonders. 

What is he doing here? 

“What role do I play in all that?” he asks, closing his hands into tight fists. 

“Don’t you see it, Gon?” She tilts her head. “You’re the one who has the choice to cancel the marriage, the one with an actually loving and caring family. And yet, you’re willingly choosing to do the wrong thing.” 

He frowns, looking at her closely. “You know I don’t have the choice, I-”

“But you do have the choice.” She interrupts, voice pleading. “Tell me the truth, Gon. If you say to Mito that you want to give up the marriage. Will she be against it?”

He swallows hard, closing his mouth into a firm line. No. He knows his aunt would give up everything for his happiness, even if that meant starting a war. But it has nothing to do with him having the choice. 

“Why now?” he asks instead of answering, voice desperate. 

“I didn’t have much time left. I tried telling my parents you aren’t ready, I tried putting doubt in them, but… Father told us that the marriage is inevitable, and Killua… Killua seemed so hopeless and angry.” Her voice trembles, desperate, begging him to understand. 

Gon shakes his head. This is not true. This can’t be true. He can’t understand it. 

“Killua has been our parents’ slave since he was young. They don’t appreciate him standing against them. They have always tried to control him, to make him the perfect little prince that could govern the kingdom one day. He has been waiting for an opportunity to get away from their hold for years. And you, all you have to do is say no. A single world from you, and brother is free.”

He shakes his head, sadness creeping its way to his heart. “No, Alluka, it’s not how it works. Even more now than I know how ruthless your family can be. I can’t risk the peace of my Kingdom for Killua. If I could, I would do it without even thinking twice about it, but a war is nothing to scoff at. I need that link with your family.” 

“They killed their own child,” she counters, voice trembling, firm, angry. “Do you really think a marriage would keep your kingdom out of their harm? Do you actually think they care about you?” 

He shuts his eyes, shaking his head harder. “I have to! I have to believe in that or I’ll fail my duty as a prince.” 

She puts her trembling hands on her head, groaning loudly. “What do I have to do for you to give up?” she yells, voice cracking again. “I’m going crazy here. I need your help. I can’t help my brother alone, after everything he did for me I want to help him, but I can’t do it alone. Please Gon… I don’t know what to do, I tried to talk to you, to scare you; now you’re here, and you still don’t want to reconsider. But I need you to think about it. The moment Killua marries you, he will be destined to rule the Kingdom, forced to follow in our parents’ steps. That’s not what he wants.” 

Gon frowns, analyzing her, trying to think about a way to help, a way to get out of here. He can’t help but repeat her words in her mind. 

“Alluka, what else did you do?” 

This simple sentence is enough to make her cry again, hiding her face into her hands. She shakes her head, repeating her earlier words. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, I’m so sorry. I just asked him to scare you, to frighten you so you would feel insecure and go back to Whale Island. I didn’t- I wasn’t-” 

She can’t continue, sobbing loudly. Gon frowns, thinking by himself, trying to put all the pieces together. Kite’s voice echoes in his head: _The order came from inside_. He thinks about the way Alluka was distant the days after he got attacked. 

His eyes widen as he looks up at her. “Alluka, please tell me you didn’t…” 

“I didn’t think they would go this far; I never planned for my family to kill him! I never thought even for one moment that his family would get kicked out of the castle. I swear, I just wanted him to scare you.” 

Gon feels more hurt than horrified this time. He truly believed in her, he has considered her as a close friend, so hearing she was the one who ordered the guard to attack him feels like a grand betrayal. The disappointment is evident in his expression as he sees her averting her gaze from him. 

It all falls into place in his mind, and the more it does, the more Gon thinks that Alluka just needs help. She is hurt; she’s been suffering for years and has taken it as her duty to help her brother. Which she can’t, not alone, not like that. 

She just needs help. 

But she takes his silence as a reject and stands up abruptly. Without further words, she storms out of the room, the sound of the trap echoing loudly against the walls. 

—

Gon pushes and pushes the best he can against the trap. He kicks it, taps it, he rushes into it, nearly breaking his shoulder. He even talks to it, begging for any gods, for anything to come help him. In vain. 

He doesn’t know how many hours he has been trapped in here and he has no way to know. Alluka had come to see him a few hours earlier, but for all he knows, it could have been the day before. He has no way to know. 

He’s grateful for the light, thinking it is better than sitting into the dark. But there is absolutely nothing else in the room. It’s empty, large, but empty. It also stinks, so it clearly hasn’t been cleaned for some time, humidity creeping onto the walls. 

He thinks he’s going to become crazy if he stays here. 

— 

He bangs his head against the wall, quick and light, enough for him to focus. He has to think. He has to gather his thoughts. He can’t panic. He can’t give up. 

He’s trying to think about a way to get out here. He can wait for Alluka to come back here and try fighting her. But he can’t. There is no way he can actually fight against the girl; not only is she better than him, but he knows he doesn’t have the heart to do so. Not for real. 

He can persuade her, soothe her. He really wants to help her; she’s still grieving after years, and she does need help. But he can’t do it while being locked here. He has to persuade her to let him go; he has to promise to protect her, to help. He will. 

But she won’t. She’s in too deep. Too focused on helping Killua. She won’t listen to him. 

He feels hopeless, stressed. There’s no way for him to get out here. 

—

Alluka comes to see him. She brings food and water, she apologizes more, says she is sorry for not being able to bring a bed for him. 

He eats eagerly, still feeling empty after finishing the last crumb. He begs for her to let him go; he tries to talk to her, to get more information. The only thing he learns is that it’s been just five hours since Alluka first came to see him. 

It has felt like days. 

She leaves him alone again. 

—

Exhausted from emotions, Gon collapses from sleep. 

—

He wakes up alone, still incapable of knowing how much time he slept. His throat is dry, his stomach empty and his muscles stiff. He sits up, plunging his head into his hands. Sighing deeply, he pushes his palms against his eyelids. 

He wonders how things are going at the castle. His disappearance must have been noticed by now. He wonders if people are calm and strategic about it, or if they are panicking . He wonders who cares about him, who is genuinely worried, who is trying to find him, and who just accepted the fact that he is gone. 

He thinks about his aunt one Whale Island. He hopes nobody has contacted her; he doesn’t want her to worry. He knows she would come here straightaway. But the kingdom needs her right now more than ever. 

He hopes everyone is okay. He tries to hold onto to hope. He tries to believe that someone will find him. He tries really hard, but it doesn’t prevent him from crying, feeling like his life has just been a nightmare since that day he woke up with ten years of memories lost. 

—

When the trap opens again, he knows it’s been two days since the first time he’d woken up in here. It’s the only way for him to know how much time he’s spent locked up. Alluka comes a bit after noon and a bit before dinner to offer him food. 

She arrives more and more stressed each time, confounding herself in excuses the moment she steps into the basement. To be honest, he doesn’t know how to react around her anymore. He doesn’t know what to say, what to believe. He just wants to get out. 

Alluka gives him his food, and as usual he takes it, eating it immediately. It still feels insufficient, his belly still roaring after eating the whole plate. 

He expects for her to go back again as she usually does. But this time, she sits in front him, fidgeting with her hands. Gon can see she has something to say, but she’s tiptoeing around it and it frustrates him. 

“What do I have to do for you to let me out ,Alluka?” He sighs, swiping his mouth with his hand. 

She bites her lips, even playing with them with her fingers. “Tell me you’ll cancel the marriage.” 

“Anything but that.” 

She sighs, passing her hands in her hair. “I knew you would say that.” She pauses, smiling bittersweetly. “Do you know why I’m doing this, Gon?” 

He doesn’t even hesitate. “For Killua.”

“I am. He has always protected me, tried to protect my sister. I want to help him.” She scratches her arm distractedly, averting her gaze. “More than helping him stand up to our parents, I want him to be happy. And that also means I want him to marry someone he loves, someone he cares about.” She pauses again, turning her gaze to him. “Are you in love, Gon?” 

His eyes widen in surprise, clearly not expecting this question. Is he in love? 

To be honest, he hasn’t thought a lot about that. He has lost thirteen years of his life, the last thing he remembers is being ten years old and running around the castle. He doesn’t remember growing, he doesn’t remember experiencing. How can he know if he’s in love? 

He knows who he loves. He loves his aunt, who has always been there for him, even if he doesn’t remember all the time he spent with her. He loves his preceptors; they taught him everything and made him the man he is now. He loves his castle, all the people working to protect it, to make it home. He loves his people, who he needs to protect. He loves his friends, his family. He loves a lot of people. 

But being _in_ love? That is something else. 

Alluka sighs. Gon raises his head, looking at her intently. She has tears gathered in her eyes, face distorted by guilt and regret. “I made a terrible mistake’ I am sorry.” Gon fidgets uncomfortably, still not knowing how to react, so she continues. “I didn’t notice it before. I was blinded by my desire to help brother that I didn’t see him change. I’ve been so selfish.” The tears finally fall on her cheeks, but she doesn’t bother with them, keeping her eyes locked on his. “Killua is devastated.” 

His heart sinks at her words. He feels worry build up in his chest, fists closing firmly. The simple idea of Killua being miserable feels like a burden to him. 

“I’ve rarely seen him this upset. He hasn’t slept since they learned about your disappearance. He has gotten into several arguments with our parents, ordering them to find better solutions to the issue. Even Illumi came back from his mission. He’s consistently stressed and… This is all my fault. Because I was so blind that I didn’t notice before. Killua is in love with you.” 

Gon’s breath gets stuck in his lungs as his eyes widen. The news sinks in, slowly, hesitantly. 

Killua is in love with him? 

_Oh._

He feels his cheeks heating, as his heart quickens a bit. This is not a time to feel— _embarrassed_? He shakes the question away, focusing on the girl in front of him. 

“I am so stupid,” she breathes out, hiding her face with her hands. “Everything is just worse now.” 

“Alluka,” Gon starts, and his voice is hoarse. He clears his throat and continues. “If you think so, then let me out, please. It’s the only solution. I have to show them that I’m okay. I have to help.” 

She shakes her head, sobbing loudly. “I can’t. I don’t know what to do, but this is the worst outcome. Your aunt arrived yesterday and she went feral. She accused father of losing her only family left and-”

“Aunt Mito is here?” He interrupts, standing on his knees. 

“Yes.” 

“Alluka, please, let me out. I can’t fight you; I have neither the force nor the will. I care about you; I don’t want to hurt you—so please just let me out. I have to see her,” he pleads, approaching her carefully. 

But she only cries louder. “I can’t do that! If they know —and they will know— that I did all of this they’ll… They will kill me Gon. I—”

For the first time since he woke up here, Gon finally touches her. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hold. She cries harder, hot tears tracing way down her cheeks into his already dirty shirt. He forces her head into his chest, positioning his chin on the top of her head. 

“I won’t let them. Neither will Killua,” he says, voice trembling. 

“Brother will hate me, he-”

“Never. Alluka, Killua will never hate you; he loves you with all his heart. Whatever you did, he will forgive you. You are the most precious being in his world.” His voice cracks, emotions overwhelming him at his turn. “You are hurt. You did all of this with the sole goal of making your brother happy and helping him. We both understand that. We will protect you, I swear on my life. But please, Alluka, we need to get out of here.” 

His heart breaks at the sound of her cries, but he means every word he says. She is just a girl who has suffered and doesn’t know how to deal with it. She tried her best to help the person she loves the most, even if her methods hurt people in the process. She’s just a victim of the situation, a victim of her status, a victim of her parents’ power. 

He can’t be mad at her; he can’t hate her. And he knows Killua will feel the same. They have to protect her from others; they have to be there for her, to help her grieve. 

“Please,” he whispers. “Please, Alluka. Everything will be fine.” 

They stay like that for a few minutes, waiting for her to calm down, for his breathing to be steady and her tears to stop. When she gets away from Gon’s hold, she’s biting her lips. It takes her a few seconds more before she murmurs. 

“I’m going to tell brother,” She stands up, and Gon does, too, eager to get out, eager to follow her. He can feel hope building his chest. But she stretches her arms in front of her, telling him to wait. “Just, stay here for now, please. I promise, Killua will come to get you in the afternoon. I just need you to wait, please.” 

Even if his heart breaks a little, he trusts her. So he nods, biting his lips and watches her disappear. 

The waiting is unbearable. 

He can’t stay sitting, instead finding himself walking in circles, heart beating fast. He stops when his head hurts, leaning against a wall for a few minutes before going back and forth. He can’t help it. 

So when the trap finally opens, he swings on his feet nervously. The moment he sees Killua’s worried face, he runs toward him.

“Killua!” he cries out, leaping at him, sobbing loudly. The prince catches him in his momentum, provoking them to fall on their knees. Killua immediately tightens his arms around his body, plunging his face into his hair. 

For the first time in five days, Gon feels relief overwhelming him, forcing tears to fall on his cheeks and a strangled noise to escape his mouth. He buries his head into Killua’s warm shoulder, and hugs even tighter. His heart is bursting from relief as he smells the familiar perfume of raspberries. 

“Gon,” Killua murmurs into his hair, voice cracking. 

He can’t help it; he cries out louder, all the negative emotions from these last several days bursting out. He feels Killua’s warmth around him, protecting him. He doesn’t let go, ever. He has missed this. He has missed a warm embrace, somewhere he feels secure. 

The cold and darkness of this humid room had provoked so many repulsive feelings in him, the smell of it barely bearable. But Killua's arms, his touch and his scent, alleviate him from any despair. 

Slowly, they both comfort one another, finding calmness again, the euphoric feeling of the meeting slowly fading away. They just stay in each other’s embrace, enjoying their presence together. Getting rid of the pain and fear from these last days seconds after seconds. 

When they finally tear apart, it’s only a few centimeters, keeping their hands tied. They are not ready to let go. Not yet. And as Gon looks at Killua’s tired but relieved face, he remembers. 

“Alluka.” 

It’s all it takes for Killua’s gaze to become serious and determinate as he nods, standing up. 

Gon is blinded by the light outside, but has never felt this grateful for it. As they both run to the castle, hands intertwined, he is very aware of his lungs screaming, of his hair flying on his head and his muscles roaring. He feels alive. He wants to stop, to look at the sky, to look around, to just fill his lungs with air. He’s free. 

But he has no time. So he runs, pushing the sensations aside. He feels Killua’s hand in his, he squeezes it, heart clenching when he feels the pressure back. 

“Wait, Killua!” Gon screams, out of breath. He stops, provoking Killua’s stop too. 

Killua turns to him, brows furrowed. “What is it? Are you hurt?” 

Gon ignores his heart missing a beat as he shakes his head. He swallows, taking a few breaths in to steady himself before asking. “What are you going to do? We need a strategy.” 

“I’m going to marry you,” he blurts out, brows still furrowed, as if it’s the most obvious answer. Gon’s eyebrows knit together too as confusion hits him. Killua sighs. “They are capable of killing her, Gon. And that is not going to happen. Not now, not never.” The prince nods, listening. “So I’ll threaten them. Either they leave her alone and I marry you for their purpose, or I run away with her and never come back.” 

“There has to be another solution. She did all of this for you to be free, Killua; we can’t let her efforts go to waste. We just need more—”

“It’s fine,” Killua grumbles, averting his gaze. Gon narrows his eyes at the blush creeping up on his pale cheeks. “I’m kind of okay with marrying you now.” 

He can’t help the way his brows shoot up, surprise evident. But soon after, his own cheeks flush as a wide smile makes its way on his lips. _Killua is in love with you._ His heart beats quicker when he states more than asks. “Killua, you’re-”

“Yes.” He rolls his eyes, but his skin coloring makes the motion useless. “Obviously. Don’t make a riot about it.”

His frown is quickly back as he remembers. “But that would mean your parents will have a say in your life. You can’t do that, Killua. Even if you marry me because you want to, that would only serve your parents’ wishes.” 

“But it will be less burdening if I’m not alone, right?” Blue eyes plunge into brown ones, taking Gon’s breath away. 

Gon heart clenches, happiness, gratitude, admiration, and adoration overwhelming him. He looks at the man in front of him, silver hair moving with the wind, eyes shining, hopeful. 

He feels whole, secure. He feels Killua’s gaze, warming, soothing. He feels the pull of his body, wanting nothing else than to leap at him. To shower him with tiny kisses, hugging him tightly, and plunging his nose into his neck to smell his scent again. 

_In_ love. 

“I could kiss you right now, Killua,” he blurts out, voice low and firm. 

Killua’s eyes widen as his entire face turns crimson. He averts his gaze, turning his head completely. But there’s a tiny smile on his lips, and Gon’s heart leaps. 

“You’re so embarrassing.” He takes a few more seconds to recover before turning back to him. “But not right now, we don’t have time.” 

Gon snaps out of the moment, jumping. “Right! Come on.” He pulls on Killua’s hand, leading him. “I have an idea.” 

—

The moment they enter the common room Gon is captured by warm arms pulling him against a chest he could recognize eyes closed. He immediately wraps his own arms around her, inhaling deeply. 

“Mito-san!” he cries, burying his head into her shoulder. 

He hears little sobs into his ear and stays a bit longer, allowing her to hide her tears if she needs. The moment they part, she cups his cheeks before planting a kiss on his forehead. 

“Gon! Gon, my son, I am so relieved to see you. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you went through. I’m glad you’re safe.” Her voice is full of emotion as she looks at him with a fond expression. 

He feels his heart lighten, happy to see her too. He laughs, squeezing her hands. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I’ve missed you. Mito-san.” 

She pats his cheeks, smiling. “I’ve missed you. too.” 

Gon can feel eyes on him but he doesn’t care. He hugs her again, forcing his tears back down. He has really missed her. 

It’s only when Killua exclaims “Grandpa Zeno?” that Gon breaks their embrace, turning to look at the other people present. 

Each time Gon thinks there can’t be more Zoldyck members, he finds himself proven wrong. There are exactly three people he has never met in the room. All of them are spread around the room, leaning against chairs and walls. 

But this time, Killua is at his side. 

“Killua.” The eldest of the family greets. Gon has never seen him around the castle, yet the man seems too old to be anywhere else than in a comfortable place. 

“Where is Alluka?” Killua asks, posture straight, gaze analyzing. 

“Locked in her room. As she should be for now.” A tall man with long hair answers, eyes unblinking. Gon notices Killua’s fist clenching from the corner of his eyes. 

“I can’t believe this sweet girl did—” Mito starts, brows furrowing. 

“You don’t understand Mito-san,” Gon answers, turning to look at her. “She is hurt and grieving. She didn’t mean to hurt anyone.” She bites her lips, looking at him with pain. He can sense her confliction. “Please, Mito-san, trust me. She needs help.” 

“I don’t know what she told you,” the King says, turning all gazes on him. “But abduction, harm, and treason aren’t genuine at all.” 

Killua takes a step forward, fists closed but steady, chin up. And Gon has never seen more royal blood flowing into him right now. “Betrayal and murder of a royal member aren’t genuine either.” He pauses, waiting for his words to make their effect. “I will propose two options.” 

The man with long hair counters, eyes still locked on Killua. “You are not in position to—”

But Killua interrupts without casting a single glance to his brother. “I am talking to father, Illumi.” Gon notices the smile on the elder’s lips. “First option, Gon and I get married in exchange for Alluka’s freedom _and_ ” he empathizes, after seeing his father’s smirk, “my waiver to the throne.” 

The atmosphere immediately falls heavy on the room. Affronted looks are shared, lips are sealed firmly from irritation, and eyes widen in surprise. 

“You know that I can’t accept a-” The king warns, tone menacing. 

But then again, Killua interrupts. “Second option. Alluka and I run away, far away” 

Gon notices the way the king’s eyes light up. Because there is a problem in Killua’s proposition. There is something missing. Killua doing so would be treason, it would be the perfect excuse to start a war between Kukuroo Mountain and Whale Island. He doesn’t hesitate a second before stepping up, amending the proposition before the king even gets the chance to speak. 

“We.” He places himself next to Killua, copying his posture. “The three of us will run away. If Kukuroo Mountain doesn’t get to have his most treasured successor, neither will Whale Island.” 

There is a silence, each side daring the other, waiting for the weaker of them to fall. But neither Killua nor Gon will flatter. He feels even more confident when a hand settles itself on his shoulder, supporting him. He looks up to see his aunt, looking at the royal couple too. 

“Following Prince Killua’s ultimatum won’t make him a successor of Kukuroo Mountain, hence my kingdom won’t be able to unite with yours into one land even if both men marry one another. But, I, Queen of Whale Island, willingly agree to the Prince’s decision and will keep the peace treaty ongoing to assure the protection of both Kingdoms. Accepting to be a reliable ally if the situation needs it to be.” Gon smiles, bringing his own hand into his shoulder to squeeze his aunt’s. She continues, unphased. “However, Alluka being the assailant of my prince, I also have a say in her punishment. I would like to warn, if this girl suffers through any punishment, I will —without an ounce of hesitation— break any peace treaty possible and make sure it stays that way.” 

The air is heavy, menacing. As if predators are waiting for the good moment to strike, analyzing their prey. None of them backing down, none of them giving up. But Gon knows; the ultimatum is too grand for the King to refuse. He keeps his composure, but deep down all he wants to do is pull Killua and Mito against him, and finally letting tears and chuckles of relief escaping him. 

The room stays silent, until a laugh echoes.

It’s the eldest of the Zoldyck, hiding his hands behind his back, smirking proudly. He gives Killua a slight nod and Gon notices the tremble of Killua’s lips as he tries to keep a neutral face. “Congratulations on raising your son well, Silva.”

Killua's lips finally break into a smile. 

—

“Killua! It’s my turn!” Gon whines, swinging on his feet. Sparking everyone’s laughter, Gon pouts harder. Killua only rolls his eyes, finally letting go of Canary. 

“Plus, you’re going to see her again; it’s not like we are going on the other end of the world. It’s just five hours by boat,” Gon continues, nearly pushing Killua away from his childhood friend. 

“Gon, you’re impossible. You’ve spent only a few weeks with her; what are you rioting about?” he growls, but lets the prince move to hug her. 

Gon immediately wraps Canary in a tight embrace as she chuckles, responding to his hug. “I’ll miss you, Canary! Thank you for everything!” 

“I’ll miss you too, Gon; come visit us from time to time!” she says, letting go of him. 

He beams. “Of course!”

He then turns to Palm, who has small tears in her eyes, but is certainly ignoring them. Gon laughs. “Don’t cry, Palm!” 

“I’m not crying. Who do you think I am?” But her voice is small, quivering.

He pulls her into a tight hug at her turn, tightening extra hard until she laughs. When he finally lets go, he takes a few steps back, looking at the people he has learned to love during these last few weeks. 

“Come on, boys, we need to hurry!” Mito yells, looking at them from the boat. 

Gon nods, turning to Killua who is already looking at him, a fond smile on his face, which sparks his own big smile. Gon stretches his hand out to him, appreciating the blush creeping on pale skin as a petite hand makes its way into his. He squeezes it. 

As they both get in the boat and place themselves next to Alluka, they wave to the people standing on land. The maids, the guards. He sees Palm and Canary, tiny from where he stands. He waves to Kurapika and Leorio, his smile turning fond at the little Haru sleeping in the tall man’s arms. He recognizes them and will miss them all. He will come back. Killua may not be the successor anymore, but he’s still a Zoldyck, he still has affinities here. They will return. 

But for now, they are navigating to Whale Island. _His_ island. Where dwells his oldest memories. Memories of him as a child, memories of his life, of his people. He can’t wait to see them again. His friends, his castle. Standing next to his aunt, his mother, next to his preceptor, the closest to a father for him. He can’t wait. 

He feels adrenaline building in his veins, happiness. A feeling hidden between his latest issues for weeks now. He can feel it flow in him. _Bliss._

He’s coming home. 

And as Killua squeezes his hand, he feels the warmth. He looks at him, hair flying in the wind, cheeks pink from excitement,a genuine smile on his lips. Killua closes his eyes and inhales deeply. Alluka imitates him at his side, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

He’s coming home. 

To build new memories. 

At least thirteen years of memory. And, he hopes, even more. 

He smiles, turning back to the horizon. 

They have a whole life in front them. 

Months to accomplish what they have always dreamt of. 

Years to create memories. 

Decades to live free. 

It begins now; the countdown has started.

**Author's Note:**

> That’s it! It’s my first time ever taking part to an event, and I must say it was actually fun! I’m not going to lie, I had a lot of trouble writing and had even overdone myself, but in the end I am very proud of the result! I worked hard on it, I really hope you liked it!! If so, please, consider leaving kudos and comments, not only it makes me happy, but it comforts me into knowing people read this little (actually huge for me lmao) story! 
> 
> Special thanks to Sydney for beta reading! And also [Neens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/welcometothehumanrace/pseuds/welcometothehumanrace), of course, who beta read it first, enduring the millions of mistakes in my first draft. Thanks to [Sara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinjaSpaz) too, who helped me with the title! These two woman also encouraged me A LOT when I was writing, so huge thank you again!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! If you ever want to scream with me, here is my [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/_no0emiie) my main fandom is haikyuu though, fair warning! 
> 
> See you around!


End file.
